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“I’ll answer that question after you tell me what he thinks about us hanging out.”
I swallowed hard.
“I think you have your own answer built in your question, Kins.”
“We’re best friends.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“He’s just trying to protect me. You don’t have the best reputation, Christian.”
“Jax needs to mind his own fucking business before I do it for him.”
“Whoa.” I raised my hands. “Where did that come from?” I lowered my eyebrows, confused by the turn of events. Instinctively, I peered down at the makeshift picnic he had made for us…
For me.
“I don’t want to fight. Especially after you planned this beautiful picnic. I still don’t know if we’re going to get arrested, but you know, it’s the thought that counts.”
He laughed, throwing his head back, and I took the opportunity to ease his mind.
“You have nothing to worry about when it comes to Jax. I promise. But if you wanted to get to know me back in sixth grade, why wait till now?”
“You’re always with Jax.”
“So?”
“I don’t like to share.”
“Then why now?”
“Honestly… I don’t fucking know. I saw you at the bonfire party, and you looked upset walking into the woods by yourself. I followed you before I even realized what I was doing. It’s the effect you have on me. I lose all sense of control when it comes to you.”
I smiled, and my chest seized. He’d often express the sweetest things. Still, I couldn’t just open my mouth and be sincere with him, tell him what I felt, because every last insecurity that was buried deep within my bones would consume me, bordering on the point of pain.
The truth was I was falling for him. I was only sixteen but felt much older. Mature beyond my years. It had always been that way for me, having to grow up fast and mostly alone. You don’t realize how much of your childhood affects the person you become, the person you are. How memories shape your life, your feelings, and most importantly your love.
“Do you mean that?” I asked, my heart beating fast.
“Here’s another thing you need to know about me, Kinley. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Since we started hanging out, I find myself doing all sorts of shit I’ve never done before, and I don’t want it to end.”
“You don’t?”
“Do you?”
I shook my head.
“Words, sweetness. I need to hear you say it.”
I took a deep breath, admitting, “I like being with you too, Christian. Although I can’t say I noticed you in science class in sixth grade. I was a mess back then. I didn’t notice a lot of things. It’s why Jax is my best friend. He’s the first person to ever want to get to know me, and I learned a lot about myself through our friendship.”
“What’s that?”
“I have a hard time letting people in, and when push comes to shove, I do the pushing and shoving. I guess it’s how I survived my mother. You know?”
“I know.” He was weighing his words. I could tell by the expression on his face.
“Just ask me, Christian.”
