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I grabbed her arm, holding her back. She was making an absolute fool of herself, and all I could do was stand there and let it happen. I was beyond embarrassed. This was the first time his parents, sister, and Julian were seeing her like this.
It was usually just Christian and me, and sometimes Jax. My best friend would help me take care of her while Christian was making his rounds at the hospital for his internship. He was working crazy hours, and I always felt bad that I was dragging them both into my mother’s mess.
They didn’t deserve it.
“Mom, you are not fine. How could you drive in this condition? What were you thinking? You could have killed someone!”
I didn’t want to lose my temper, but I was furious. She was putting her life and innocent people’s at risk. It was so fucking selfish. It was pointless to argue with her. She was wasted and wouldn’t remember this in the morning, but I couldn’t help myself.
I was exhausted from fighting a battle I couldn’t win, then or now.
Christian didn’t miss a beat, tearing me away from her. She couldn’t even stand on her own, falling to the ground on her ass. I went for her again, but Christian held me firmly in place. He wasn’t letting me go, despite me trying to make him.
“Stop it! I need to help her! Let go of me!”
He yanked me against his chest. “Stop fucking fighting me, Kinley! This ends now! You’re cutting her off! Do you understand me?”
“Christian, please…” I urgently begged, knowing deep down he was right.
But I was all she had. I didn’t want to lose this fight. I wanted my mother in my life.
Julian was standing behind him with Jax by his side, waiting for I don’t know what. His parents were standing on their lawn, the pity for me radiating off of them, and I could feel it digging into my skin.
Shame hit my body instantly.
“No!” Christian shouted. “I am over this fucking bullshit! She could have killed someone tonight, Kinley!”
“I know! Okay?! But what am I supposed to do? She’s my mom!”
“She needs consequences. She’s never going to change if you’re always there making excuses for her about why she’s drinking to begin with. Enough is enough. She’s drowning, and I can’t watch you be her life vest anymore. I worry about you constantly. When I’m in class, at the hospital, it never ends!”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need to hear your apologies. What I need is for you to let her go, so she can figure it out on her own. You’re not her mother, Kinley. You’re her daughter. She needs to learn her role and stop thinking you’re the one who’s supposed to be taking care of her. You’ve done it for the last twenty-four years of your life. How many more years are you going to waste on her?”
“That’s not fair! She’s sick! How can I make you understand that?”
“I know she’s sick, but she doesn’t do anything to make herself better but fucking drink herself into oblivion. The more she substitutes alcohol for medication, the harder it’s going to be to get her brain to work correctly again. She’s self-medicating and killing herself, and the worst part is she’s taking you with her and you don’t see it.”
“You think it’s so easy to just let her go? To just cut her off? She’s my mom, and I love her! She’s all I have.”
“Bullshit! You have me! You have my family! You have your pain in the ass best friend! You’re not alone anymore. We’re all here for you. We’re always going to be here for you. All you’re doing is driving a wedge between us by enabling your mother.”
I shook my head. “You just don’t get it! You have no idea what I’m going through. You have no idea what it feels like to know she’s a good person. She’s a great mom when she’s sober and on her meds. You saw her, Christian. She’s still there, that woman is still inside of her. She’s just buried deep within her illness and addiction. If she won’t fight for herself, then I’m going to do it for her! It’s what any daughter would do!”
“Ugggg…” Mom groaned, rolling around on the ground, completely oblivious to what was happening and the war she was starting with me and Christian.
“Kinley,” Jax coaxed. “Christian is right. You can’t keep babying her. You’re going to have to let her figure it out on her own. I know she’s your mom, but what the fuck? Look at her!” He pointed to her. “She doesn’t even care what she’s doing to you! She barely knows where she’s at right now. When is that going to compute with you?”
“Mom.” I grabbed her arm, trying to get her to stand. “Come on, please get up. I’ll drive you home.”
“Over my dead body!”
“Christian! Stop! I’m taking her home. We can talk about this later.”
“No, we’re going to finish this now.”
“Christian,” Julian stressed, gripping onto his arm to hold him back. “Just let her be, man. It’s her mother.”
