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“Well, I do. Your family has done more for me than anyone in all my life. I won’t fuck that up. Not even … for you.”
I jerked back, feeling the weight of his statement.
“I’m sorry, kid. I never wanted to hurt you. It’s easier like this. Me staying away from you.”
“Easier for who?”
“I’m not that guy. I won’t fight for you. I won’t choose you over them. I can’t. Please try to understand and stop trying to force my hand.”
I didn’t know which was worse—thinking he didn’t care about me or knowing he did but wouldn’t do anything about it.
“Do you think it’s been easy for me to push you away? Do you think it’s been easy on me to see you go from a little girl who used to follow me around and look at me like I was the answer to her little fairy tale? Do you think it’s been easy on me to know that I’m not? You’re not mine, Autumn, and you never will be. Stop trying to make me claim you because I won’t.”
I didn’t want to cry. I wouldn’t be able to stop.
It would consume me.
And it did.
I blinked, and tears fell down the sides of my face. I had never felt worse. Only adding to my tears and the hurt of his replies I so wanted to forget.
I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
Getting your heart broken for the first time was like having the wind knocked out of you by the force of a level five hurricane.
I wanted to die.
I felt like I was.
With the back of his fingers, he wiped away my tears. His flesh burned my skin, making me feel like maybe this was hell. The one I’d created for myself.
He held his head up higher, maintaining his strong composure. Every devastated bone in my body wanted to beg him to give me a chance.
To give us a chance.
Knowing it was no use. His loyalty didn’t stand with me—it stood with my family, and that was the hardest pill to swallow.
Wasn’t I his family too?
“You need to forget about me.”
“You say that like it’s so easy.”
“It should be.”
“But all I’ve ever wanted is you.”
“You don’t even know what that means, kid.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair.”
Neither one of us said anything for I don’t know how long until he tugged on the end of my hair.
“Let’s go get you some food, and then I’ll take you home.”
