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She’d fooled herself into believing she could fall only a little, that she could go only so far before, wisely and safely, she pulled back from the dizzying precipice.
How wrong she’d been. Wasn’t she right now experiencing the very depths of hell because she couldn’t stand the thought of him being hurt again?
Hadn’t she spent half the night awake, her stomach tied in knots as she’d wondered why so beautiful a man suffered tortured dreams because of his choices and his determination to shut everyone out?
She hadn’t missed the phone calls from his father that he’d avoided, or the one from Marco yesterday that he’d swiftly ended when she entered the room.
Pain stabbed deep as she acknowledged that she’d come to adore him just a little bit more than she’d planned to. She’d probably started adoring him the moment he’d answered her call and agreed to see her in Barcelona seven weeks ago.
Because by allowing her in just that little bit meant he didn’t hate her as much as he should. Or maybe he didn’t hate her at all.
Or maybe she was deluding herself.
‘A three-line frown. Stop it or I’ll have to do something drastic, like confirm to them just who the new woman in my life is. Personally, I don’t mind drastic but I have a feeling you wouldn’t enjoy being eaten alive by the paparazzi.’
She’d been walking alongside him without conscious thought as to where they were going. The sound of the engine revving made her jump. ‘No, I wouldn’t.’
‘Bueno, then behave.’
They’d arrived at the garage of the defected racer. Rafael grabbed the nearest sound-cancelling headphones and passed them to her.
She was about to put them on when she spotted Chantilly, lounging with a bored look on her face on the other side of the garage. The second she spotted Rafael, she came to vivacious life.
‘Damn it, your frown just deepened. What did I say about behaving?’
‘What’s she doing here? In this garage, I mean?’
Rafael followed her gaze to Chantilly, then glanced back at her. ‘Her husband owns this team.’
The single swear word escaped before she could stop it. A slow grin spread over Rafael’s face but it didn’t pack the same charismatic punch as it usually did. Examining him closer, she noted the lines of strain around his mouth.
‘Sheath your claws, chiquita. I told you, I have no interest in her. Not after discovering the delights of fresh English roses.’ A pulse of heat from his eyes calmed her somewhat but it was gone far too quickly for her to feel its warmth.
The chief engineer called out for Rafael and, with another haunted look down at her, he went over to discuss telemetry reports with the team.
The ninety minutes before the race passed with excruciating slowness. With every second that counted down, Raven’s insides knotted harder. The walk across the sun-baked pit lane into the race lane felt like walking the most terrifying gauntlet.
She hitched the emergency bag higher on her shoulder and took her place beside Rafael’s car, making sure to keep the umbrella above his head to protect his suit-clad body from overheating. She ignored the sweat trickling down her own back to check for signs of distress on him.
‘If you feel your hip tightening, try those pelvic rotations we practised by flexing your spine. I know you don’t have much room in the cockpit but give it a try anyway,’ she said, trying desperately to hang on to a modicum of professionalism.
He nodded but didn’t look up. His attention was fixed on the dials on his steering wheel. When the first red light flashed on, signalling it was time to clear the track, Raven opened her mouth to say something...anything, but her throat had closed up.
She took one step back, and another.
‘Rafael...’ she whispered.
His head swung towards her, ice-blue eyes capturing hers for a single naked second.
The stark emptiness in his eyes made her heart freeze over.
* * *
Rafael fought to regulate his breathing. Shards of memories pierced his mind, drenching his spine and palms in cold sweat.
His fight with Marco the night before the Hungary race...
You’re dishonouring Mamá’s memory by continuing with this reckless behaviour...
Sasha’s voice joined the clamouring...it’s not okay for you to let everyone think you’re a bastard.
And Raven’s condemning truth...you’re a useless waste of space...who cares about nothing but himself and his own vacuous pleasures...
He tried to clear his mind but he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Those words had carried him into that near fatal corner that day in Hungary because he’d known they all spoke the truth. What they hadn’t known was that the day had held another meaning for him. It was emblazoned into his memory like a hot iron brand.
