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He’s preening me the way a dove does its bonded mate and I can’t help but get lost in the sweetness of it all. It’s hard to not want more. To not cling to Finn’s words about wanting all of me. I separate myself from them the best I can, hoping they’re far enough away not to hurt me when he changes his mind.
Because they all do eventually.
Nine
Finn
Morning light intrudes through the above window, ruining the best sleep of my life. I held Theo in my arms all night long after sending him into bird space and making him come. The taste of his cock still lingers on my tongue and I’m hungry for more. He was worried I wouldn’t want all of him. Fuck was he wrong.
I got a taste of the best drug and I’m too highly addicted to not go back for more. He snuggles against my chest, releasing a soft snore, his light brown hair falling over his face. He really is wonderful. I won’t stop showing him what I see when I look at him until he feels the same.
“See yourself in my eyes, love bird,” I wanted to say. “Look how you shine and glow.”
He became a vibrant light in the dark and I was able to see more clearly than ever before. He wiggles against me, making soft sounds that almost resemble the cooing noise he made last night. He was singing for me and I can’t wait to hear him going into full soprano the next time I have my lips on him.
His lashes flutter and his brown eyes open. Slowly looking up at me, he blinks a few times before shoving himself away. “It was all real.” He sits up quickly, pressing his back to the headboard. “I really did all that with my brother’s stepson.” His face falls into his hands and he shakes his head. “What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing, baby.” I grab at his hands and he looks away from me to keep our eyes from meeting.
“This shouldn’t have happened, Finn. It was irresponsible of me to let it. I recently ended a bad relationship and you were so comforting, I took advantage.”
I tug at his chin with my fingers, forcing him to face me. He closes his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks. My heart aches from his despair. He’s not supposed to ever get upset with me. “Look at me, love bird.”
His breath quickens and then his eyes snap open as if I’ve said the magic words. Maybe I did. He has to feel what I do. Otherwise he wouldn’t have let his bird out so easily for me. It was trust wrapped with something else.
I smile, wiping a fresh tear away with the pad of my thumb. “You didn’t do anything wrong. If anyone took advantage, it was me. You were vulnerable and I only wanted to make you feel better. To show you how worth it you are and that you deserve to be cared for. Because you do.”
“Look, Finn. What you did for me yesterday…” He licks his lips. “I appreciate it. I wouldn’t have let go so much if I felt like you were making it all about you. I hadn’t been able to go that much into bird space in a long time and as much as I’m glad it was with someone I could trust, it shouldn’t have been with you.”
“Who should it be with then? Your bird was calling to me and my heart has been calling to you in the last few weeks. Can you not feel it?” I loop my fingers around his and bring his hand to my chest.
“I don’t know.” He yanks his hand away and tugs at his hair. “I was supposed to wake up with a clearer head but instead…” His words trail off and he stares ahead.
“Instead what?”
He looks at me again, his eyes raw and red. “I want…” He sucks in a breath and his bottom lip trembles when he tries to speak again. “I want last night to happen again. I want more of your kisses, for you to touch me, and I want to kneel for you.”
“And you can have all those things,” I say, sitting beside him, so close our sides touch. I knock my knee with his, earning me a small smile, and then it’s gone within a second. Something switches in his eyes and I know he’s back to doubting everything again.
“My brother and your mom would murder me if they knew what we did and if—”
“Then we won’t tell them. No one has to know right now.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.” I press my forehead to his and rub his bottom lip between my two fingers. “Eventually I’ll want the whole world to know you’re mine but if you’re not ready then I’m willing to wait.”
“Yours?” he rasps.
“Mine.” I press a kiss to his nose. “If you let me touch you this morning and I sleep with you in my arms again tonight, I’ll be too far gone to go back. So if you really want to walk away, then do it now. Just know I don’t want you to and that if you do decide to, do it for you only. Because you really want to. Not for my mom. Not for Dad. For you.”
I pull away to give him space and I can tell he wants to reach for me again. I see the desire in his eyes and sense the longing in his heart. I gave him what he didn’t think he could have. What we both needed. The force that had driven us together before is causing him to lean into me again. Does he know he’s doing it?
“This is crazy.”
“Lots of things in life are and crazy can often be a good thing.”
“Only you’d say something like that.” He releases an awkward chuckle.
