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I also can’t bring her in front of Romeo, not only because he’d know I was lying, but also because I don’t want her to be a pawn in this war. She’s been objectified and manipulated her entire life to be whatever her father wants. I can’t explain it, but I’d rather take a sucker punch with brass knuckles than put Katya in a situation like that ever again.
A soft noise catches my attention, and I look in the direction of the stairs. Before I have a chance to comprehend what it might be, a guttural scream slices through the silence, striking me to my very core.
I bolt up the stairs two at a time, picking up my pace when I hear another agonizing cry from Katya’s room. Without hesitation, I fling the door open, not sure how to comprehend what’s happening.
She’s thrashing around on the bed, her eyes squeezed shut even as tears stain her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she pleads, her voice scratchy from crying and yelling.
I approach the bed with caution, not wanting to scare her, but needing to fix this, to protect her, even from the nightmares in her own head.
“Katya,” I say soothingly, climbing onto the bed with her. Her hair is matted down with sweat, her face blotchy and twisted in pain. “You’re safe, princess. It’s just a dream.”
I try holding her hand to comfort her, but she shrinks away from my touch. Jesus, it hurts to see her afraid of me, but I know it’s not intentional. Whatever dream she’s having has swallowed her whole.
She jerks to the side, and that’s when I see a blood stain on the shirt of mine she’s wearing.
“Dammit,” I rasp. She ripped her bandage off during all of this. I need to stop her before she hurts herself anymore.
I move closer to the terrified woman, then gather her tense body up in my arms, holding her against my chest. Jesus, she’s trembling, and fear radiates off her in waves.
“Kayta, wake up,” I whisper. “Wake up. It’s not real.”
She furrows her brows, and her movements become less jerky.
“You’re safe,” I continue, talking to her in soft, calming tones. “I’m right here. I’ll protect you from the whole goddamn world.”
Katya stills in my arms, then opens her eyes, which are filled with confusion. “Wh-what happened?” she murmurs, sounding strained. “Oh, my god. Did I have a nightmare?” she whispers as her confusion gives way to shame.
I hate seeing her like this. I nod, not loosening my hold on her. She doesn’t make a move to get out of my arms, so I keep her close.“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, princess.”
“It’s a weakness,” she all but whispers. “Other people can just, I don’t know. They can just shove everything into a dark corner of their mind and lock it away. All the pain, all the memories, every scar, every lie. They just push all the trauma to the side and somehow move on. I’ve tried. God, I’ve tried. But at night…”
“All the monsters come out of that dark corner in your mind,” I finish for her.
Katya hits me with her golden eyes, a heartbreaking look etched on her features. Without words, I know what she’s thinking. She feels seen and understood for the first time in her life.
She nods, more tears gathering in her eyes. “Yeah,” she says with a sniffle, adjusting herself to a more seated position in my lap.
I tuck some of her inky black hair behind her ears, moving slowly so I don’t startle her. Cupping her cheek like I did yesterday, I wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb. Her skin is silky smooth, and Katya tugs at my already shattered heart when she leans into my touch, nuzzling against the palm of my hand.
I guide her to rest against my shoulder, and she does, curling up and tucking her head in between my neck and shoulder. Combing my fingers through Katya’s long hair, I hold her close, just letting my presence be enough.
Her quiet sniffles turn into sobs as she fists my shirt, her tears wetting my skin. I gently cup the back of her neck, keeping her close while stroking her back with my other hand. I have her all wrapped up so nothing can hurt her ever again.
“I-I can’t,” she chokes out.
“Can’t what, baby?” I’m not sure where the term of endearment came from, but it fits.
“Can’t cry,” comes her muffled response.
“I don’t know, you seem to be doing a good job of it right now,” I tease.
Katya pops her head up from where it was buried in the side of my neck, glaring at me with her gorgeous eyes. “I didn’t mean I couldn’tphysicallycry,” she says, narrowing her eyes even more. “I just meant…” Katya trails off, looking over my shoulder instead of meeting my gaze. “I mean, I can’t handle it all crashing down. If I feel one thing, I have to feel them all, and, and, and… I can’t. I just can’t.”
Her confession resonates with something deep inside me, and at this moment, it’s just Katya and me, connecting on a level that’s excruciatingly raw yet healing at the same time.
“The only way out of the fear is through,” I whisper. “You can’t avoid the bad, scary, and devastating things that happen to you. Not unless you want those memories to jump out and pull you under when you’re most vulnerable.”
“Like in my sleep?”
