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Not only were my brothers and father not going to forgive me, I wasn’t about to forgive myself.
And now we had to explain this away to the senator, too.
ChapterTwelve
Bailey
My face was pulsing with every beat of my heart, and it felt like I’d been hit by a truck. It wasn’t just the pain that was bothering me, though, it was the fact that someone had gotten into my apartment.
The guys were beating themselves up about it, but I didn’t blame them. They’d watched over me more than anyone else had, and whoever was after me was clearly going to stop at nothing to get me.
I’d never seen Hayes handle an emergency before, and it took everything in me not to be offended by his cold demeanor. He was calm the entire time, but even though his detachment kept my panic at a manageable level, all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me everything was alright.
Now that they’d found another place for us to stay, it was all hitting me at once. My body shook, and the masked face plagued my thoughts. I couldn’t escape it. Underneath these new layers of trauma lurked the echoes of the past.
Fuck whoever was behind this.
The bed dipped down as one of the guys joined me. Strong arms encircled me, and the subtle scent of mint and cigars filled my senses. I buried my nose into Cyrus’ arm, breathing him in while wishing it could be enough to chase all of the awful thoughts away.
I’d like to say that this wasn’t me—the breaks down, crying, worries, and flashbacks—but it wasn’t true.
For years, I’d intermittently had these nights. When you had the kind of trauma I did, that was unavoidable. The memories of old pain, sharpened by the secrets that accompanied them, were something that had no simple cure. I couldn’t find it in me to miss the asshole I’d killed, but my ultimate victory over him couldn’t erase what he’d scarred into my psyche beforehand.
The alpha had been a monster. I’d tried breaking up with him, but he insisted I couldn’t. He tried to convince me that the cheating was my fault. He used his body toteach mewhat I’d be missing out on if I disobeyed him. Instead of listening to my refusals, he’d slammed me down on his truck bed and climbed on top of me, not caring that I was screaming.
I could still feel the slap of his hand over my mouth, taking away my voice in a moment where I had no control. My fingers scrambled for anything to use against him while I ignored the sharp pain of tools tearing at my flesh. Finally, I found a crowbar, clutching it like a lifeline.
To this day, I don’t remember hitting him the first time… or the second. It wasn’t until warm blood dripped down my face that I came out of the panic.
Over the years, I’d wondered many times how nobody had ever found out or connected it back to me. Now, I guessed the real answer was that the Syndicate had found me first. Back then, I was just an intern at a governor’s office, a broke omega trying to get by, so they’d waited, biding their time until I had the expertise to be of use to them.
Gentle fingers tucked the hair behind my ear. “What are you thinking about so heavily?” Cyrus’ rough voice mumbled. He nuzzled his face into my neck, and I wasn’t sure if he was comforting himself or me at this point.
“The past,” I offered, leaving it at that. All of my answers were vague, sticking to the surface. I trusted them more than I did at the start, but I wasn’t ready to risk my life for them. It had nothing to do with keeping me safe, either.
They’d already apologized a million times about the fire escape, calling it an oversight even though I knew they’d checked it diligently. The truth was that if someone wanted to get to me, they would, and now we all had to accept that.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Cyrus offered. “Is it about this recent attack?”
“I’m just in pain,” I said with a sigh. It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the truth. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”
“You know, you don’t have to always be a badass,” he said with a bit more gentleness in his tone this time.
“Don’t I? I’m an omega who, until recently, had been alone in the world. The pressure I’m under would crush any sane person, and I work for a senator who wants to take away every right I’ve ever had, and probably then some. I still have to do some more research into what he’s trying to slide into these bills he’s passing.” The last part was muttered to myself.
“You’re not alone anymore,” Cyrus said. “But we can’t help you if you don’t give us more information. Why don’t we start with why you’d work for someone like him in the first place?”
“Do we really want to have this fight right now?” My voice was angry, and I wasn’t going to hide it. I sat up and faced him in all my bruised glory.
He didn’t say no, so I didn’t bother to hold back.
“You guys took information that I gave you and ran with it andstillwon’t tell me what you found. Not completely. I know you’re holding back, yet you want me to give you more?” I laughed bitterly. “I’m not doing whatever job you have on the side for you, and if you’re not going to help me, I’m not going to offer up any more leads for you. I’m not here to be used, Cyrus.”
“We aren’t using you,” he said evenly. The alpha staring at me, unaffected, had more patience than anyone I’d ever met. Here I was, arguing with him, but he looked wholly unaffected. The only time I’d seen him angry was last night.
Even while the doctor inspected me, he’d maintained that stoic front. And that unshakeable nature, plus the fact of having a private doctor that did house calls, only confirmed suspicions that they weren’t your average family, but I was too battered and exhausted to ask more questions at the time.
I didn’t say anything in answer because it didn’t matter anyway. They wouldn’t be giving me anything about themselves, and I certainly wasn’t going to beg for it.
