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I needed to get away. I needed to think.
I needed to be out of that house with the dying woman who just told me she was happy about it.
Because of me.
After mumbling an excuse, I headed down to the barn, grabbed my emergency pack, mounted Ranger bare back, and took off. I didn’t have time to saddle him, I just needed to get away. My grip tightened in his mane as he charged forward into the nest of trees. The sun was setting, reminding me that darkness would soon cover this beautiful land as we flew through the field.
The herd was gazing in pastures two and four today. The work was done, and the boys were cooking dinner in the bunkhouse for us. My dining table would be full tonight, and anactual mealwould be shared, not some take out bullshit. The person Valerie cared most about in this world would be sitting next to her tonight as they talked to my son.
My house, empty and lonely for so long, wouldn’t be anymore. Who was I kidding?
It hadn’t felt empty since the day I carried Valerie through my front door, both of us soaked from the cold rain.
Everything changed the day of that storm.
I should have left her in the rain.
I’m glad I got sick, because it led my daughter to you.
Those words echoed in my head over and over at the same tempo of Ranger’s hooves. I shook my head with a growl, trying to shove it away, but they were still there, chanting in my ears.
Minutes later, I was easing Ranger to stop.
We were at the base of the mountain, on Momma’s trail. I tied him off and pulled an apple from my Carhart jacket.
“Be back in bit, boy,” I whispered, petting his neck and giving him his treat. I didn’t have much time. It would be dark soon, and Ranger would be a sitting duck to predators nearby.
The hike was short, one I’d taken countless times during my life. The leaves above me blocked out the remaining rays of sunlight, cooling the forest as it prepared for the night. An owl was calling out in the distance, waking up in time to hunt. Twigs and leaves rustled, but I learned not to look a long time ago. Never look into the trees at night, because you don’t know what you might find staring back at you. Instead, I kept my gaze ahead and focused on the sounds of nature.
Five minutes later, I came to the stream.
This wasn’t mom’s favorite spot; I didn’t have the guts to go up there, not since the day she died.
I found other spots over time and the one in front of me was Caleb’s favorite.
I shoved my hands in my pockets as I stared down at the water, my jaw jumping. There was a rule on my mountain and the Hallow Ranch boys knew it well. Never spread ashes on this side of the mountain. This side was to remain pure and untouched.
The only sin committed on this side was my mother’s murder.
Pop set that rule decades ago, and I have managed to enforce it.
Sighing, I adjusted my hat. “Don’t know that the fuck I’m doing,” I whispered.
Nothing answered back. No one ever did.
“Never intended to fall in love with her. I was supposed to hate her…”
A flock of birds shuffled in the distance. My eyes didn’t stray from the stream.
“She was theenemy, and now I’m afraid she’s becoming my whole world.”
Good, my sweet boy.
My eyes closed at the sound of Momma’s voice, and I swallowed hard. “What am I going to do when she loses her mom?”
You continue to love her.
An overwhelming guilt washed over me, like acid rain, burning my body, seeping into my skin and tainting my blood. It was immediately followed by anger, a fury so intense that I found my composure crumbling and then I started screaming into the forest, letting it out.
