Page 62 of His Last Nerve

My throat thickened with pain as tears formed in my eyes, making the view of the sunrise watery.

Now, I was going to lose her. Not immediately, of course. The cancer was aggressive, but the chemo treatments had been working. However, I only had enough to pay for a few more months and depending upon the severance package from Moonie Pipelines…

I shook my head.

I was nearly raped last night in an alley, yet, I was sitting here thinking about the medical bills piling up on mom’s kitchen table. I loved that table. When I was kid, she always made sure to have a fresh bouquet of flowers on it every week. As I got older, she would take me to her shop and we would make the bouquet together, letting me pick the flowers.

My bottom lip trembled, and the tears finally overflowed, falling silently down my cheeks in a downpour of sadness, hopelessness, and anger.

God, I was so angry.

Angry at myself for thinking I could do this. Angry because I convinced myself to set aside my values and morals to make money. That wasn’t me.

I was angry because I didn’t recognize the women I’d become.

Was my mother even proud of me?

She told me all the time to quit this job and be happy.

I wasn’t happy, not even close.

I hadn’t been happy in years.

Nothing about my life was worth telling.

I wasn’t some grand adventurer.

I wasn’t an artist, creating something meaningful to leave behind in this world.

I wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, healing the broken and sick.

I wasn’t a rancher, feeding people.

I was leech.

I was a disappointment.

My head fell into my hands as a wretched, broken sob left me, my body trying to expel the pain and trauma. All I wanted to do was bottle it up. I cried until my phone rang. I took a deep breath, wiped my tears.

It was Mom.

I answered it on the third ring. “Good morning,” I said.

“Good morning, darling,” she said softly. She sounded tired today.

“Are you alright?”

I rolled my head, stretching my neck, letting her voice wash over me. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“How are things with the Hallow Ranch?” she asked.

Oh, just wonderful. I got fired because Mr. Langston rejected me, and Mr. Moonie is impatient. Then, I went out last night to get drunk, because I have never done that before, but I ended up getting assaulted—then getting saved by Mr. Langston. Also, I’ve seen him kill two men. On top of that, I don’t know how to tell you that I failed you and you may not see Christmas this year.

I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped my hair with my free hand. When I didn’t answer, she called out for me. “Valerie?”

“I’m here,” I croaked.

“Honey, what’s going on?”

Source: www.allfreenovel.com