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She has a point there. Rory is a low-maintenance friend that can thrive on one text message a day, maybe even less if she has her own things going on. Plus, she is always busy now that she has graduated and is saving all the animals.
“Couldn’t live without you even if I escaped,” I hug her back tightly. As she leaves my apartment to cross the hall back to hers, I consider what she said.
With things how I left them by storming out, I doubt he will even be open to discussing things between us. My mind jumps to Warren.
We fit as well as two puzzle pieces. All the holes filled by the other person, and not only in the biblical sense.
His analytical mind balanced my creative scatterbrain.
His love of instrumental music countered my desire for lyrics that make you wanna cry.
It wasn’t him that didn’t fit me. It was me that couldn’t fill in his gaps. My determination and goals cast a giant shadow over every piece to the point of not even knowing which ones he was missing.
He did everything right to love me. It didn't matter. In the end, I chose my career over him. I chose to set him free to allow him to thrive with someone else. Someone who could take all of the pieces I didn't have and fit them together with him.
Two years ago, he didn’t understand why I did it. He resented me and was constantly showing up at my apartment demanding answers and retribution. Promising that he could be better for me when in reality it was me that couldn’t be better for him.
I wonder what pieces Brett is missing? Does he know? Is he happy living as a half-assembled puzzle? Am I?
We are so similar, what if instead of our gaps being filled in with each other, we are left with two holes for the same thing neither of us has?
But what if we are exactly what we both need?
"What'sgotyoudown?"Ella asks, my ability to fake normalcy worn out for the day.
"Trust me, you don't wanna know. And I sure as hell don't wanna talk about it," I rub my hand along my forehead knowing my sister is about to dissect every word. If I was smart, I would confess how fucking stupid I am and get it over with. Instead, I drop cryptic messages through the phone line and expect Ella to pass over them.
"Brett, you know I love you, but I swear if you don't tell me why you're extra moody right now, I will fly out there and interrogate you to your face."
She is crazy enough to do it, too. She will jump on a plane and bang the fucking door down if I don't convince her that even though I'm an idiot, she needs to stay where she is.
"This stays between us…promise?" I ask, the plea a reminder of the secrets we would tell each other as kids.
"Always," she answers simply.
"I slept with someone….new. And then I fucked it up by being an insensitive prick," I confess. It's one thing to have done something you're not proud of. It's a new version of torture having to admit your indiscretions to your little sister.
"An insensitive prick how?" she asks curiously because of course, she wants to know more.
"I said she seemed like the type of girl to be on the pill…because I was a dumbass and went at it bare." I flinch at the reminder.
"Okay, wait, when did you start seeing someone?"
"We aren't seeing each other exactly. I mean, we see each other pretty often because…well, we work together."
And this is when she breaks into more questions than I have time to answer before another one is rolling off her tongue.
"Smell, pause for fucks sake," I attempt to get a break in her rapid-fire questions.
"This was the first time we hooked up. I don't even know why I asked. I swear I must have blacked out or something."
"Did you apologize to her? I mean, I'm guessing she didn't take it well if it has you all twisted up like this."
How do I explain that instead of apologizing to her, I accused her of using me and trying to find notoriety? Ella loves me unconditionally, her big brother will always be a hero in her eyes. Confessions are for chapels. Ella is my own fucked up version of faith, the closest thing I will ever get to holy.
"I sort of tried but it didn't come out that way. She stormed out and I haven't talked to her since," the confession is heavy as it flows from my mouth. I am such an ass. First, for asking a valid question but at the totally wrong time. Second, for not making more of an effort to remedy the situation.
Silence on the other line has me checking that the call didn't drop. It didn't.
