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“It’s about baseball,” he says. He looks around the table, his gaze lingering on me. I try to smile, but my face is frozen. “I’m quitting. I’m going to withdraw from the draft.”
For a moment, no one says anything at all.
“Holy shit,” Cooper says, finally, into the silence. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah.” Sebastian reaches over, taking my hand and squeezing it tightly. “I realized… I can’t do it just because my father wanted it for me, or because it’s always been the expectation. I still love it, and I don’t regret focusing on it for so long, but I don’t want it to be my career.”
“What are you going to do instead?” James says. He doesn’t sound disappointed or upset, just contemplative.
“I’m going to graduate after next semester,” he says. “I have the credits to do it. I want to figure out if the food industry is a good fit for me. I think… I want to be a chef. If I graduate early, I can take some of my inheritance from my parents and travel around, maybe follow Mia to Europe for her study abroad program if she’ll have me. I could even do a cooking program if it makes sense.”
I rip my hand away from his and stand, sending my chair flying backwards. Kiwi startles, darting out from underneath the table.
“Mia?” he asks, his smile fading.
“I’m sorry,” I say. Everyone is staring, and I’m making a fucking scene, just like at the barbecue, but I feel like I’m about to crack into a million pieces, and the last place that can happen is here. “I just—I can’t be here.”
I practically run to the patio door and crash down the stairs. I hear Sebastian following, but I don’t stop until I’m at the door of the room we’re supposed to stay in tonight. I yank it open, and he follows me inside before I shut it.
“What the hell was that about?” he asks.
I whirl on him. “You’re making a huge mistake.”
“What?” The pain on his face cuts me like a knife. “But you said—”
“You really want to give all of this up? You’re not going to have a life like this”—I gesture around the impeccably decorated room of this beautiful house—“if you’re a cook at some restaurant.”
I hate his wounded expression, but I can’t stop. I’m burning up in the atmosphere, and by the time I crash-land, there won’t be anything left. My heart is beating so fast I can hear it in my ears. “You know that I’m not going to compromise on my future because it’s all I’veevertold you, so you’re compromising on yours instead. You’re taking an easier path for me, and I’m not even worth it.”
“Mia, slow down,” he says. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t want kids,” I snap. “I’ve never wanted them. I don’t even know if I want to get married, Sebastian.”
“Fine,” he says. “So we don’t get married or have kids.”
“Stop doing this!” Tears spill over my cheeks. “I know you. You want those things. Don’t try to lie, I know it.”
He takes a step closer, reaching out like he wants to brush away my tears, but thinks better than to actually try it. “Where the fuck is this coming from? Your family? I don’t give a shit about what they think, Mia. You need to stop letting them in.”
That stops me in my tracks. “They’re my family.”
“You need to cut them off. They’re ruining you.”
“They’re my family!” My voice echoes in the little room, too loud and grating. “Don’t talk shit about my family.”
“Some family they are,” he says, bitter laughter in his voice. “Your brother thinks your sexuality is a joke, your father wants me to control you like you’re a doll, and whatever thefuckhappened with your mother is sending you into a spiral so deep I barely recognize you right now. Cut them out. If they don’t want to help you pay for the rest of college, we’ll figure it out.”
“You might’ve been fine throwing your mother’s family away, but I can’t do that.” I take a step back, putting more distance between us. Anger courses through me, as swift and pointed as a snake bite. “And the fact you think that it’s that easy is sad, Sebastian. Not everyone is lucky enough to have two perfect families. Some of us have to stick with the one the universe gave us, no matter how much it hurts.”
He freezes. “I didn’t throw them away. They threwmeaway. They tossed my mother aside like garbage because she didn’t do what they wanted her to do with her life. You, of all people, should understand that.”
My lip wobbles. I take in a shuddering breath. “That’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. You aren’t even trying to—”
“You can’t let them hurt you forever when you deserve so much more,” he interrupts. “Jesus, Mia, come on.”
