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The thought of it makes me nervous and excited all at once.
Aside from Penny, who insisted upon coming to the symposium, even though I told her I wouldn’t mind if she would rather go to Sebastian’s game, there won’t be a friendly face to look at. I haven’t spoken to my family since the barbecue. I know I have to suck it up soon and reach out, because the longer this lingers, the worse I’ll feel, but a part of me is still holding out hope that Giana will be the first to apologize. If I’m being even more honest with myself, I hope my parents will be willing to hear me explain my plan in depth, instead of ignoring it and disapproving from the sidelines.
My phone buzzes with a series of texts.
Bex
Good luck today, Mia!
James
Good luck Mia!
Cooper
You’re going to crush it :)
Penny
I can’t wait <3 You’re going to be amazing!
Izzy
Go get ‘em, space genius <333
I bite my lip as I stare down at my phone, but the last text—the one I truly want—doesn’t come.
Instead, Izzy texts me again, privately this time.
Thought you might want to see this before it goes public
I made Penny promise to take a picture of you onstage <333
I click on the image she sent me. It’s a screenshot of a letter.
Sebastian’s letter to Major League Baseball.
To Commissioner Scofield and Those it May Concern:
With the MLB Draft Day approaching, I want to thank the 30 major league teams for their interest, both in me as a player and as a person. Baseball has been a major part of my life since the very beginning, and I know how much it meant to my father, Reds legend Jacob Miller. Some of my earliest memories include playing catch with him and listening to Marty Brennaman shout, “This one belongs to the Reds!” after victories. It has been an honor and a privilege to follow in his footsteps, and I will always love the sport.
In considering my future, however, I have realized that I need to follow a different path. As such, I am withdrawing my name from consideration for the MLB Draft, now and in the future. I am grateful for all that baseball has given me, but it’s time for me to pursue my own passions.
In addition, I will be graduating McKee University a semester early, making this season my last. The past three seasons have been some of the most challenging and exciting of my life, and I thank Coach Martin, the staff, and my teammates for helping me grow into the man I am today.
I would like to thank my family for their support, as well as Mia di Angelo for showing me that I need to define my own future. I don’t know what it holds, but I am excited to find out, and I know my parents would be proud of me.
Sincerely,
Sebastian Callahan
Tears blur my vision by the time I finish the letter. It’s so him, I feel like I could reach through the phone screen and touch him. I’ve missed being able to hug him whenever I want, which is something I thought I’d never say about someone. I wipe my eyes, careful not to mess up my mascara.
He thanked me. Despite everything—despite leaving him and loving him and leaving him again—he thanked me.
I wish I could be at the game, even just as his friend. I’m sure it means so much to him, one last time spent doing the thing he learned to love from his father. While I’m glad his family is there to cheer him on, I wish I was there too. But just like he’s defining his own future, I need to define mine.
Our stars don’t align. I’m being devoured by a black hole that wants to squeeze me into nothingness, but this heartbreak, however deeply it cuts me, is nothing compared to the future heartbreak we’d have inflicted on each other. That night at James and Bex’s was just a taste.
