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“Actually, I do.” I straighten, the bag dangling from my hands. “They have a dorm room ready for me.”
The ease in his body disappears. He straightens up, his hands falling to his sides. “What?”
“They emailed me yesterday.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It wasn’t like this was supposed to be permanent.” I take a deep breath. “Thank you for letting me stay here for a few days. I appreciate it.”
“We’re friends,” he says. “You said so.”
“We are. But last night wasn’t… friendly.”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. It’s easier to focus on those details than the expression on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “If I pushed you to do something you didn’t want to do. I thought—”
“No,” I say, cutting him off. “It wasn’t that. I did want it. It’s just… you deserve…”
“Don’t tell me what I deserve.” He takes a step closer. I hold the bag to my chest like a shield. “I know what I deserve, which is what I want. And what I want is for you to be in my life, whatever that looks like. Don’t you want me in your life too?”
I swallow. His gaze is an inferno. I’m blistering, but I can’t look away.
“Fuck you, Sebastian,” I whisper.
He blinks. His eyes shutter, the emotions swirling in their depths dimming. “Tell me, honestly and completely, that you don’t want me in your life, and I will leave you alone forever. Forget about being friends. We won’t even have to speak.”
“I shouldn’t have said yes to that date.” I turn my head, seeking a distraction, but there’s nothing but Izzy’s desk, cluttered now with my computer, legal pad, and stacks of half-annotated articles. I just need to push through. Continue the lie because it’s for his own good. “I’m sorry that I made you think I wanted more.”
He sighs. “Why do you keep lying to me, Mia? Why do you keep lying to yourself?”
“But I do want to know you.” The words burst out of me like a punch. “I want to be in your life, and for you to be in mine.”
He lurches forward, pulling me into a kiss. As his lips press against mine, my brain short-circuits, but once it’s up and running again, I can’t help but kiss him back.
After a long moment, my chest burns for air. I break off, gasping, “But this isn’t what you wanted.”
“I want to know you, whatever form that takes.”
“If we go back to the way things were before—”
“Yes,” he murmurs roughly. “Yes, fuck, that’s fine. Just stop shutting me out. And stay here. It’s better than a dorm, and you can have all the space you need to work.”
He kisses me again, his hands cradling my face, effectively cutting off any lingering protests. He’s right, this is better than a dorm—and even if it’s a bad idea to stay and let myself get attached even further, it’s too tempting to pass up. I’ll just… figure something out. I’ll find a new way to keep Project GOSMC going.
“Fine,” I bite out.
He pulls back to smile at me, tugging on my hair.
“I’ll pack you lunches for the week,” he says. “No protein bars unless they’re snacks.”
22
MIA
May 13th
Penny
