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The thought makes me shudder. Space doesn’t terrify me one bit. Pregnancy, though? Being in charge of keeping a baby alive? It’s never interested me. In fact, it actively scares me if I think about it too hard. That’s another lie I feed my family:Sure, I can’t wait until I get married and have kids.The one time I told my mother I wasn’t sure I wanted to do the whole marriage and babies thing, she blew up at me about my duties as a womanandto my family.
“Right?” Giana says. “Anyway, if you can’t visit now, at least come for the barbecue in June. Nana will cry if you don’t come.”
“Nana has never shed a tear in her life.” It’s one of the many things I respect about her, even though our relationship is difficult at best. At Nonno’s funeral, she stood straight-backed in her black veil, her face covered in makeup, her eyes as dry as a riverbed in a heat wave. No tears during the wake, no tears during the funeral. No tears during the private family gathering afterward, as my father and uncles got drunk on grappa and toasted to his life.
I wasn’t as strong. I shut myself in my room and cried until I couldn’t breathe.
I climb one of McKee’s many hills, holding my phone higher so my face is still in the frame. The dorm I’m staying in for the summer is one of the ancient freshmen buildings on the edge of campus, atop one of the steepest hills. Incidentally, it’s the same one where I met Penny. I arrived first, and I’d been debating where to put my Andromeda Galaxy poster when she burst in, a whirlwind of ginger hair, all freckles and nervous energy. More books in tow than clothes, and ice skates tossed over her shoulder. She took in my black leather jacket and combat boots, the nervous fuck-this energy I must have been radiating, blinked, and stuck out her hand.
She saw me better than anyone else. Better than my own sister. Still does.
On the phone, my real sister sighs. I can tell I’m about three seconds away from a lecture, so I say, “I’m walking into a meeting. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Tell me you’ll come to the barbecue,” she insists. “For me, Mi-Mi, please. Don’t worry about our parents or Nana or the cousins.”
I swipe the keycard to get into the building and push the heavy door open. It’s sweltering in here too. Summer without AC will be murder on my hair.
At least my room is on the first floor. Heat rises, after all.
“Fine,” I say. An afternoon surrounded by my very large extended family, the neighborhood friends, everyone from church—I can suck it up. I don’t know why or how my parents started this tradition, but it’s lasted for over twenty years: the big summer barbecue at the di Angelos. I haven’t spent time with my sister since Christmas, and even then, she was with her husband Peter’s family for half of it.
“Yay!” Her smile tugs at my heart. “Love you, Mi-Mi.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Love you too, Gi-Gi.”
I do. I really do. I love my family so much that it hurts to know I’m not the daughter they want. Not who they planned for. I tried to fit myself into that box—with my sexuality, with my passions—and it just didn’t work. It was impossible to stay there, squished down, and be able to take a full breath. Nonno was the only one who understood that.
If he was alive, he would be supporting my career aspirations, and I wouldn’t be caught up in this stupid lie. In the past, Giana tried, but ever since she got married, she’s acted just like Mom and our aunts.
Despite it all, I still love them and my heritage. And I can be friendly in small doses. Penny has said so herself.
I nearly slip as I walk down the hallway to my room. I glance at the floor, making a face when I see that it’s covered in water. Maybe some idiot left the tap running in the bathroom.
At the end of the hallway, I shove my door open; it’s sticking to the frame.
My mouth drops open. “Holy shit.”
My room is flooded.
Without the door stopping the flow, the water rushes into the hallway, running over my sneakers. I glance up; water weeps from a crack in the ceiling, soaking absolutely everything. The bed. My clothes, still mostly in my opened suitcase on the floor. Shoes bob along in the water.
My gorgeous suede boots, my favorite, are soaked. Ruined.
I take a step forward and promptly trip. I flail, trying to hold onto the bed frame, but instead I land in the cold, disgusting water.
I can’t stop myself from letting out averyembarrassing scream.
6
SEBASTIAN
“What about her? She’s hot.”
I scowl at Rafael. He’s peering over my shoulder at my phone, the nosy bastard. I didn’t ask for his opinion, but sure, the girl in the profile is attractive. She clearly knows she can make guys stop and stare with her smile.
She also happens to be a brunette.
I swipe left.
