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But even with all of my new found strength, I still couldn't protect the people that I loved. It didn't seem fair, and as the tears began to fall Cross wrapped his arms around me and held me close.
Grief washed through as sob after sob wracked my body. I wasn't sure how long I cried or if I fell asleep and woke up and cried some more, but Cross was there through all of it, comforting me, being my rock.
Finally, after I'd been quiet for a while Ash spoke, his voice was gentle and just as soothing as Cross' arms being wrapped around me. "Cordelia, I need to tell you something since I don't want there to be any secrets between us." I braced myself for whatever was about to leave his lips. "I tried your blood to ensure that you were transitioning well. I wanted to tell you so that you'd know I would never hide anything from you."
That sent me into another fit of tears. I was upset that he would do something like that without my permission. Cross and Rook were the only ones who were supposed to drink from me, but it felt like every other vampire I came into contact with wanted to as well.
"Why would you do that, Ash? It's such a violation." I burrowed my face deeper into Cross' chest.
"I'm so sorry," Ash apologized, his voice soft, earnest, little more than a whisper. "I only did it because I was worried about you. Trust me, I'll never do it again without your permission unless your life is in danger."
Ash pushed up from where he'd been laying next to me and stood, pulling his clothing from where he'd abandoned it on the floor. I knew all of this because I could hear every single sound. A moment later he came back over and placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me from Cross so I had to look at him. "Cross and I have some business to attend to. Will you be okay alone for a few moments?" It wasn’t like he was actually asking.
"Oh, okay, sure." I said the right thing aloud, but the idea of being alone after being stabbed in the chest and then turned into a vampire without my permission was terrifying. I knew at least Cross had my best interest at heart. He always had. The least I could do was trust him and allow him to take care of whatever it was he and Ash needed to attend to.
Although my hunger had been satisfied for the moment, I still felt on the edge of losing control. Cross and Ash were my safety net and them leaving was like my security had been ripped away, like it was going with them. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold myself back before I gave in to the bloodlust and started attacking innocent people. All I'd have to do was leave wherever I was and I'd be able to feed to my heart's content.
But I wouldn't.
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt people and become the monster that Gran had feared so much.
Just as Cross and Ash turned to leave, an overwhelming sense of impending doom gripped me. Looking at their facial expressions, I could tell that something terrible was about to take place. All I could do was hope that they came back to me. It surprised me that I wanted Ash to return since I didn't really know him, but it was the truth.
The silence in the room was deafening as I sat there by myself. I had no idea where I was or why they’d chosen to bring me here. But I hated being alone. Especially when I was in a room that felt like a nice version of the one I'd been held in not too long ago.
Back when I was human.
The thought made my chest ache as though I could still feel my stab wound.
When I could no longer bear the isolation, I crept across the hall and quietly slipped into the room where Rook was recovering. My chest tightened when I saw him.
I was shocked by how badly he'd been burned. His skin no longer had a beautiful, pale glow to it. Instead, it was charred, black and gray, and peeling away in some spots, showing the pink underneath, the muscle in some spots, the bone in others. It must have been incredibly painful, but he hadn't given up on me. He’s tried to help me, to change me so that I survived instead of healing himself. I knew that innately, because unless Rook had been unconscious there was no way Cross would turn me by himself.
My emotions erupted, and I wailed for Rook. Dropping to my knees at his bedside, I tore at the sheets, ripping them to shreds. How could this happen to him? He was my everything. I couldn’t lose him now. He had to recover. If he didn’t, how would anyone expect that I would ever be able to go on?
I curled up next to him and cried against his chest. I wished things could have been different between us, that we'd met as either both human or both vampire, but I wasn't sure what that would have looked like.
He wouldn't need to rescue me anymore or play the hero to keep me safe, not now that I was on the same playing field as him. But what difference would that make if he didn't survive? There was no point to me being a vampire if he wasn't by my side. I cried until there were no more tears left, until my throat was raw, and my eyes felt like they'd been stabbed with needles.
Gran was dead and there was no family left to comfort me or guide me through this new phase of my life. Not that she could have anyway, but she was always a comfort, a calming presence to my soul, and I didn’t know how I would get along without her.
I lay there in silence, allowing it to engulf me. The significance of that moment wasn't lost on me. Officially, for the first time in my life, I was truly alone.
28
Cross
The bond between Cordelia and Rook wasn't just a two-person connection and seemed to include me now. I could sense it, and I wondered if it had something to do with me assisting with the turning ritual, and if that was true did she have a bond with Ash as well?
Mixing mine and Rook's blood at the same time would, no doubt, have some type of consequence, then adding Ash's blood into the mix, well, there had to be a reason it wasn't usually done. I didn’t think it had ever actually been done before. I didn’t know if it mattered.
The idea made me uncomfortable. Even more so, I worried about what would happen if others within the vampire community found out about our unusual bond. I didn’t even know if it was against the rules, or if there were rules about this kind of thing.
Ash and I didn't want to leave Cordelia, especially since she was grieving and in a vulnerable state. However, we couldn't let those assholes get away with her murder or what they had done to Rook.
Massimo and the other vampire hunters would have to pay for their actions, and I personally couldn't wait to take them by surprise and then rip them apart, limb by limb. It would be a bloodbath, one I would relish.
We decided to go after Massimo first. As former enforcers for the crown, Ash and I could be ruthless when we needed to be. It was part of our training.Don’t think. Act.And that was what we were going to do.
