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A strange, confused emotion ran through me. On the one hand, I was glad she would change back. I hadn’t had a chance to miss my little Clawdicat yet, so it was easy to separate the two in my mind, but I knew I would miss her if she stayed human.
On the other hand, I was sad. Sad for her, sad for Zaide, and sad for me, because I fancied her as Clawdia the human. I was curious about her life, both her human past and her cat life. I wanted to know how she saw me when she was strolling four legged around my house and knocking shit over. Just a human to annoy, or Charlie the hottie next door?
I shook off my emotions and nodded. “She’s young. I mean, in those days, it probably wasn’t so uncommon to die young, what with the war and the Spanish flu and the fact that penicillin hadn’t been invented yet. But if she’s skittish, it could be something else.”
Zaide nodded and frowned. “She said it is painful for her. Being human.”
“In what way? Emotionally? Physically?”
“Both, I think. She said the sensations are too overwhelming.”
I twisted the cap on my pop and took a big gulp. The burp that followed was legendary, even if Zaide looked horrified. I shrugged and continued, “I suppose that makes sense. Humans have more emotional capacity than cats. And although their hearing and sense of smell is better, our eyes can see color, both long and short distances, and we have more receptors to read pain or pleasure, taste or touch.” I leaned back in my chair, thinking. “We can try to limit sensory overload. Ask her what is too much.”
“That might want to make her stay human?”
“It’ll make her more comfortable.” I sighed and turned my head to my computer. Using the pictures on my phone, I attempted to log in to Deb’s accounts.
The screen turned black.
“Fuck!”
“What is it?”
“Fucking computer just died.”
“It is dead?”
The screen turned back on as I rebooted it. “It’s back on. Don’t worry.” He went quiet again, and I looked over my screen to see him chewing through dried, cold cheese. “There’s something else, isn’t there? Just say it.”
“It is a rather … personal … dilemma.”
And I knew exactly what he was going to ask me. I moaned. “Oh, God. No. I won’t deal with titan pubescence.” I threw him the romance book I took from Debs, suddenly realizing why I picked it up. “Read that. Maybe it will help.”
His skin flushed rose gold. “Thank you. I do not want to scare her away with my—”
“Monster dick?” I nodded. “Yeah, I saw it this morning. Couldn’t miss it when you turned and almost poked my eye out with it. If I wasn’t so confident, I might feel very inadequate right now.”
“I’m too big?”
I gritted my teeth, turned my attention to my computer again, and tried to sound easygoing. I’m not sure I succeeded. “That’s a debate you and Clawdia can have when the time comes.”
Zaide tilted his head slightly and looked curiously at me, his eyes boring holes in the side of my head as I logged in again. “You are dealing well with all of this? You aren’t feeling overwhelmed?”
I laughed. “I passed overwhelmed a few days ago.”
“How is it you are calm, then?”
“I guess all those resilience workshops I took while I was in foster care really paid off,” I said without thinking and chuckled. “Fuck,” I cursed when my computer died again.
“I’m unfamiliar with that term.”
I started checking the cables. Having paid a fortune only a year ago for a new one, it shouldn’t be dying.
Stupid fucking technology.
I answered him absentmindedly, “Resilience? It means you bounce back—”
“No. Foster care. What is that?”
