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She continued, “I won’t ask anything more about them if that’s what it takes to get you to trust me again. I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “You aren’t sorry.”
“I am.”
I whispered, “No, you’re sorry you got caught. You are not sorry for doing what you did, and you aren’t trying to fix it.”
“You don’t understand. I can’t stop now,” she whispered. Her brown eyes pleaded with me, but I couldn’t understand what she couldn’t tell me. I shook my head in disappointment.
She sighed. “I will make it up to you. When this is all over, I’ll explain why this had to happen, and you’ll understand. And I’ll help you turn back.” I was quiet. I wanted her to believe that returning to my feline form was the sole reason I was with her. “If that’s what you want.”
“You can’t want her to stay this way! A familiar isn’t supposed to be a human,” Mary exclaimed.
“I won’t do anything she doesn’t want,” Winnie said firmly, not taking her eyes off me. “She’s had enough of that already.”
Memories flashed in one long, horrific second, and I relived everything that had brought me to this moment. The power taken from me. My independence stripped. I lost my life. My entire world gone and then turned upside down when I arrived as Winnie’s familiar. My human body became a memory, but the trauma of my past still followed me.
Only for it to happen all over again when a faei accidentally turned me human.
Nothing that happened was within my control, and the powerlessness of the situation only made me feel more useless. Just like my father believed I was.
My lips trembled, and with a quick intake of breath, I started crying. Winnie stroked my hair and made comforting noises, and eventually, I could stop the heaving sobs.
This is the first time you’ve chosen to do something. You’re finding out information to report to the others. Pull yourself together, and prove everyone wrong. You can do this.
“Think about it. You don’t need to decide now,” she said. I nodded and pulled out of her arms, wiping away my tears. She continued, “If you want to be a cat again, we’ll find a way to turn you back. We’ve got a huge gathering of witches here for an event, so we can talk to them and see if they have any ideas about how to turn you back. We could even try using the fire.”
My ears pricked up.
An event. Lots of witches. Lots of fire?
I replayed her words in my head.
Use the fire to turn me back?
The very thought that a demon would lose his fire to turn me back turned my stomach. That someone’s friend, lover, sibling, or parent would die because of me was horrifying.
Mary and Winnie didn’t view Savida as a person. They didn’t see the fire as anything but a source of power to be harvested. Just something to be used. It made me wonder whether my ability as a familiar, how I supported their magic, put me in the same category as demons. I protested, “I don’t—”
Mary interrupted, “Win, look, I don’t think you should promise anything you might not be able to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying that they have planned this event for many, many years, and this collection of fire has taken years and years to reap. I don’t think the witch council is going to let you use the fire to fix your familiar.”
Winnie twisted her fingers and looked down. “They might,” she said slowly, hesitantly, like even she didn’t believe her own words.
“She’s not as important as the other stuff we have going on,” Mary said sternly and glared at Winnie through the rearview mirror.
Winnie shook her head in denial, her red curls bouncing. “There isn’t anything more important than Clawdia.”
My heart swelled at the exclamation, but actions spoke louder than words. I knew that when push had come to shove, she hadn’t chosen me.
She continued, “And it never hurts to ask. Even if we can’t use the fire, we can find another way. Maybe capture those guys and force them to turn her back.” I frowned and shook my head. I didn’t want Daithi, Zaide and Charlie to end up like Savida. Winnie noticed my unhappiness and said, “I wouldn’t hurt them, but if it turns you back, wouldn’t that make you happy?”
I stayed silent. It wouldn’t make me happy.
“We can’t afford to use any extra energy, Win. We’re going to need to put almost all our magic into the reservoir. You can’t promise to fix her.”
