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“Nice throw!” I cheered and started sprinting.
“He can’t breathe fire if his mouth is full.”
We raced back into the safety of the woods, the thick of the trees protecting us from flying dragons and the width of the tree trunks hiding us from witches who were also abandoning ship. As the screams got farther and farther away, the more relaxed I felt until a roar and a flare of light and heat pulsed from behind us, shuddering the whole forest. Birds flew out of the trees. Squirrels raced across the ground. We didn’t stop.
I led the way, trusting my magic to guide me, and when I saw the road and the car, I breathlessly said, “Thank fuck.”
“Here, make yourself useful,” I told Zaide when we got to the car, and I passed our girl over to him. He tucked her against his chest with ease. Bastard.
He assessed me, clearly seeing my panting breaths and the shaking of my noodle arms. “I believed you said you were all right to carry her.”
I glared at him. “Well, don’t believe me. I was a hacker, for fuck’s sake. Look at me. I can’t carry a woman.”
Zaide chuckled. “My apologies. I’ll remember for next time.”
I turned my attention to my true talent. Breaking into the car. When the witches took us, they also took anything that could help us escape our cage like my car keys. As if the keys to the car had a special break-me-out-of-the-cage button. Stupid witches. The more I thought about the fucking idiots, the angrier I got that we had ever been captured by them.
I worked my hot-wiring magic on the car, and we piled in. The purr of the engine almost turned me on and simultaneously made me want to cry. As I pulled onto the road, I rolled down the window and yelled at the forest, “Fuck you, witches. I hope the dragon fucking eats you!”
“Was that necessary?” Zaide asked from the passenger seat as he clipped his seat belt into place.
“It was important for my mental health,” I retorted and turned to face the road again. With one hand on the wheel, I used the other to pop open the glove compartment and grab my phone, which I had thankfully left in the car.
A flash of green and orange emerged from the tree line and flew into the road, causing me to slam on the breaks. “Shit!”
A large yellow eye seemed to glare at us through the windshield, and I froze. When the dragon opened its mouth to roar, my brain restarted, and I quickly set the car in reverse. With my arm behind the passenger seat, I started backing down the road like something out of aFast and Furiousmovie.
“The dragon is following.”
I glanced at the front to see it chasing us on all fours. “Fuck off, dragon. Go and eat more witches.” I turned my attention back to my epic reversing and noticed a small dirt road cutting into the woods.
Perfect.
“Gods,” Zaide breathed, and I twisted to see a horde of witches pile out of the tree line, throwing magic at the dragon, trying to trap it again.
Turning onto the dirt road, I turned off the lights and killed the engine.
“Charlie, what are you doing?” Magic continued to flash in front of us like fireworks.
“Our way home is past them. I need the witches to capture the dragon and then go away so we can drive home freely.” The dragon stomped on one witch getting too close, and I winced.
“I don’t expect that to happen with our luck,” Zaide noted as we watched the witches get completely battered by the dragon.
“It’s called having a positive mental attitude and manifesting my reality. You should try it. You love hippy-dippy shit.”
The dragon, frustrated now and tied up in different spells and magic, gave one last glare in our direction before flapping his wings, breaking free and launching himself into the sky.
“It is flying away.”
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. “Thank fuck. He was definitely after something from Clawdia. Maybe he thinks he’ll get another chance later.”
We watched as the remaining three witches dragged their fallen friends back to the trees, and I started the car again, watching the green and orange blob get farther and farther away. “Home sweet home, here we come,” I cheered and turned to grin at Zaide.
Only he wasn't grinning. “Charlie, forgive me if I have missed an important lesson in human culture, but a dragon flying around is not a usual sight.”
Blood drained from my face as I realized what he said. “Oh, bloody fuck shit balls cock bastard.” I slapped my hands on the steering wheel. "Fucking witches," I mumbled.
“I take it that fact has passed you by.”
