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I release him and watch the red liquid drip down the side of his palm and onto my leg. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, and I mean it.
I’m sorry I’ve put another person in danger.
I’m sorry we trapped ourselves in this place.
I’m sorry I ignored every fucking warning coming my way when I was younger, and now it’s too late. We’re all here, even though a vision might have steered us in another direction. A safer direction.
“Me too,” he replies. Color returns to his face now that it’s over, and I force a small smile, attempting to put him at ease.
He sprays something on the burn, and I look down at it, waves that intersect with a circle and a twisting of flames throughout. I hiss from the pain but also from what I see.
“Is this… an initiation or something?” I ask.
He shakes his head, no. Bile rises from my stomach, and I’m grateful when he places a bandage over the top, not because it will make it feel any better, but because I can’t stand to look at their symbol.
“Why do I need this, and what about…” I curl my hand into a fist, struggling to choke out the words. “My family?”
“Nico’s a member. His wife would be too. You’re his wife.” He raises one eyebrow. “And it’s… death on-sight if you don’t have it. Kids don’t brand until they’re thirteen.”
I huff a laugh at the small miracle.
“Sam… Nico, he should’ve taken the swim. What’s the Eminent going to say about that?” I ask.
Alexander sighs, securing the bandage with medical tape. The pressure helps with the pain, and I let out a small exhale of relief, my head swimming from holding my breath for too long.
“Are you going to pass out?” Alexander asks, his hands moving to my shoulders to steady me. I didn’t realize I was swaying.
“No,” I lie. I’m not in the best of health, far from it, but I need Alexander to explain. The more knowledge I have about this place and the past, the greater our chances of survival.
He goes back to the computer, scrolling through some screens until he reaches what he’s looking for, and taps on the monitor. “This came up when we brought him in. Nico’s unit had a disruption. Their Eminent stopped halfway through the swim.”
“What happened with him after…” Alexander pauses, waiting for me to fill in the blanks, but I don’t speak up. He himself told me not to trust him, so the history of Sam and our family isn’t something I’m willing to divulge. I’ve already said too much, so I wait in silence, my lips firmly pressed together.
Alexander knows we aren’t loyal to the AOE, but to what extent, he’s not sure. We’re not assigned to the underground, and we didn’t say the right things to get inside. I’m not sure how much that computer tells him, but it’s an encyclopedia of cult members so far.
“Your husband was on the safe half…the alive half after the Eminent stopped the process,” he continues. “Obviously.”
“Right.” I let out a nervous cough. “So, why did they stop… the process?” I almost say murders, but I don’t want to offend Alexander.
He motions for me to keep my voice down and turns to the door, making sure there’s only silence before he continues. “Their Eminent got scared.”
I squint at him and lean forward. “If adherents didn’t have to swim, why would an Eminent?”
Alexander’s face contorts in disgust, and he tears off another piece of tape for my bandage, attempting to busy his hands. “They wouldn’t, but the seventeen-year-old follower he was having an affair with would.”
I groan at how simplistic these men are. Even when they have all the control, it’s given up for some pussy. A part of me loves that part of a woman’s power. I imagine the young girl knew exactly what she was doing, and I applaud her. She survived that day and saved others by whatever means necessary.
“You’ll need to cover this,” he points to my bandage. “I’ll get you a uniform with long sleeves, but no one can see it’s new.”
“Why do you care?” I ask.
Alexander sifts through some drawers, finding a tan one-piece uniform and holding it up to gauge the size. It will swallow me, but I almost lunge for the dry fabric after sitting in wet clothes for so long. “It’s going to take weeks to heal. Be vigilant about hiding it.”
“Why are you helping us, Alexander?” I ask him directly this time.
He tosses me the clothing. “They won’t go easy on you in holding. Be prepared for that.”
I won’t let this go or direct the conversation back to myself. I stand up, holding my tender arm across my stomach, and take a step in his direction.
