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“You are such a bother!” I ripped the thing from his grip and threw it clean across my office, yet a laugh escaped my lips. Somehow, he could get a rise out of me but make me laugh at the same time…
No, no, no, no, no, no…not here.
My mind fogged over, the inky clouds brushing in, blurring all of my coherent thoughts into nothingness. Pressure built in my chest, spots forming in my vision as I tried my best to keep my breathing as easy as possible.
“Kasha? Sorry, can you move? I need to check something.” Nolan sounded like he was half a mile away, yet he stood right next to me.
“Sorry, yeah, I, um…” I rushed away from him, moving to the other side of the room, my eyes focusing on the door. Just get to the door, get out of here, and then I could break down. That was all I needed to do. “I think I’m going to read the report tomorrow, I completely forgot I, um…need to go and check on the archery training Rylan’s hosting right now.”
Everyone was staring at me with puzzled or concerned expressions. Most of them could tell what I was trying to conceal, since this wasn’t the first time I’d had a panic attack in front of them. In the past, I might have let myself ride it out here, letting their support seep inside and help me feel safe, but I couldn’t this time. Not with Nolan around.
I didn’t want him to witness this. Ever.
“You’re going to leave?” Nolan stared at me, eyes wide, face covered in disbelief. “You seemed so invested in the details all day.”
“Yes, but I, um, I do better reading the report, so I can just take a look later.” I scrambled for the door.
“It’s alright, Nolan. There isn’t much in the report that’s pressing.” Beckett shrugged as if it was no big deal.
“We can catch her up if needed, but she’s read a million of these before.” Emric backed Beckett’s claim up. More people nodded, acting as though it was completely normal for me to be leaving a meeting early and rapidly.
My stomach rolled, threatening to release everything within, my throat burning. I needed to get out. I needed to escape to safety…
“I promise, I’ll catch up.” I stared at him, trying my best to keep eye contact, my hand behind me, clutching the doorknob to remind me that I was only steps away from freedom.
His face fell, shoulders slumping. “Alright, I suppose if this is normal for all of you…”
“Thank you,” I said as quickly as possible before ripping the door open and escaping through it, running down the hall and out of the building. But I didn’t go to the training building. I just ran into the woods, andI kept running until my lungs burned and my chest hurt and the tears streaming down my face coated my cheeks. I ran until the pain of my emotions and the pain of my body were one.
Chapter Sixteen
The next morning was spent locked in my office, papers littering my desk, notebook already filled with scribbled theories, and half-empty coffee mugs on any flat surface I could find. I was determined to keep working, my mind and body buzzing the farther I got into the investigation.
There were too many questions running through my head after spending countless hours reviewing and memorizing the reports from the most recent murder. How did Elliot get into the bakery? When did he grab Melinda, and how long did it take him to drain her and prep her before putting the body back? How long would he stalk his victims before finally taking their lives? Why did the wolfsbane cleaning burn my senses so badly?
That was the only question I seemed to get more concrete theories on, listing out the many ways he could have treated the corpse after death. He could have drenched them or bathed them in some way with wolfsbane liquid, but that led to more questions. How did he obtain so much liquid? How often did he have to purchase it? Was he even purchasing it, or was he brewing it himself? That train of thought had been my main focus for the last hour, wondering how it could possibly lead to a new line of investigation, bringing us closer to catching this monster.
My concentration shattered when my Comms buzzed at the edge of my desk. I threw the file down with a huff, a touch of annoyance slowly creeping in at the forced break. I grabbed the handheld device, turning it over to see who was calling me.
Caleb.
Bile rose in my throat, a cold sweat breaking out across my forehead. I didn’t have to answer it; I could just let it ring and go back to what I was doing. Why force myself to talk to a man who was supposed to be there for me, support me through anything, but let me down in the end? I could just ignore him, show him that his opinion of my past didn’t matter—that he didn’t matter to me.
But I couldn’t do that, no matter how he hurt me.
I clicked the answer button, regret filling me the moment the screen switched to the call.
My heart sped up at the sight of him, his dirty-blond hair perfectly groomed and slicked back from his round face, silvery eyes staring at me with an intensity that would rattle even the most seasoned Guard. There was no love or even familial recognition in that look, just cold professionalism. From most, it wouldn’t bother me, but not with Caleb.
“Hello, Kasha.” He nodded to me, clearing his throat.
“Caleb.” I was lucky to be sitting down, allowing me to come across as composed when my legs felt numb and my stomach rolled, threatening to throw up the gallon of coffee I had consumed in the past few hours.
“I’m calling to request a few files.” He leaned back in his chair, notebook poised in his free hand. “We have openings for a Delta and a Dairchta, and I wanted to review some of your trainees for possible promotion.”
My fingers curled around the edge of my seat. “Alright, what are the names?”
“Let’s see here.” His eyes turned away from me, focusing on his notebook as he read out the name and Guard numbers, my free hand shaking with each one I wrote down for myself.
