Page 78 of Captured By Chaos


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“If you don’t take time to let yourself unpack everything that’s happened to you over the past two days, you won’t be able to investigate this properly.” He crouched down a bit, forcing our gazes to catch. “You have one of the sharpest minds on the team, we need you to be at your best. It’s alright to admit you need to rest to be able to work efficiently. That isn’t weakness, it’s a natural need.”

I let his words seep into my mind, rolling them through and agreeing with the logic. He knew I wouldn’t go off of an emotional appeal, but a reasonable one; right now, I was far from my best. Rest—and something else I couldn’t seem to name—was what I needed. Something to distract me.

I looked back up at him, blinking a few times before I stood up, every muscle in my body feeling unbearably heavy. “Alright, let’s go.”

He gave me a smile, but not his usual, wickedly-teasing grin. This soft, warm smile made my heart flip a few times as he took my hand and guided me back to the front of the warehouse, not even going to the crime scene but right to his cycle. We mounted it, and I internally prayed to Lunestia as we left this whole mess behind.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The ride back to my house seemed longer than normal, thespeed and wind doing absolutely nothing to calm my nerves like they usually did. Instead of giving me a sense of freedom, a taste of what I used to have, the sensation just reminded me of what I’d lost. My mind kept spiraling with each mile we rode.

Nolan wound us through the empty roads and streets of Eroste, doing exactly as he’d said and taking me home. The weight of everything settled on my shoulders as Nolan parked in what was typically my spot, dismounting his bike with me.

“You don’t have to come in.” I said, my voice raspy and harsh from my panic attack.

“I know I don’t have to.” He shoved his keys into his pocket and walked straight to my front door without missing a step.

I sighed, following him and unlocking the door to push our way inside. The house was dark and quiet, and even before I found the note tacked to the banister, I knew Lea had gone out for the evening.

“Are you hungry?” Nolan leaned against the doorframe. “I could cook you something.”

I shook my head, crumbling the note and shoving it into my pocket. “I’m too tired to eat. I think I just need to lay down and end this day as soon as possible.”

His face softened. “Understandable. Let’s go.”

He grabbed my hand, tugging at me slightly as he headed up the stairs.

My stomach flipped violently. “Wha—what are you doing?” I tugged him backward before I was forced up the stairs with him.

He turned, towering over me even more than usual from his perch a few steps up. “I want to help you into bed and make sure you have everything you need before I leave.”

“Nolan, this is very sweet of you…”

“I know,” he teased, sending me one of those grins that once upon a time grated on my nerves.

Not anymore, apparently. I ignored that, looking up at him.“But I can handle myself. You don’t need to burden yourself with my problems.”

“You are never a burden, Kasha, not to those who care about you.”His words swept over me, sending a shiver running up my spine. “And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear by this point, I do care about you. I would never forgive myself if I left you here to fend for yourself, not after everything you were forced to go through. So, if you don’t want to do this for yourself, then look at it as doing it for me. Alright?”

Usually, I would fight him off, tell him it was none of his business. I was strong and capable and could put myself to bed. Yet, a whisper in the back of my mind tried to break through the stubborn fog, telling me it was alright to lean on someone else, to admit when I needed help.

I decided to listen to the voice, nodding silently. He winked before turning back toward the top of the stairs, leading me the rest of the way and pushing the door to my bedroom open as if it was the most casual thing in the world. But that wasn’t what bothered me; what made my pulse speed up was how natural it was to have him here, in my space, standing beside me, giving me his strength in ways I seemed to need.

This whole forty-eight hours had been nothing short of a disaster for my emotions, stripped bare of their protections and put out for all the world to see. My body felt raw, sensitive to even the slightest breeze that rustled along my long-sleeved undershirt. I headed straight for the oil lamp on my bedside table, igniting it with my flint and adjusting the lighting to give the room a soft glow. I turned back to the fireplace, ready to light that as well, my typical routine feeling more burdensome than usual.

“Just relax, I’ll get this lit.” Nolan grabbed the flint from my hand, crouching down in front of the fireplace. I sighed, plopping down onto my bed, my numb fingers tugging at the bracers on my arms.

I tried to look back on the last two days’ events, but even starting at the beginning felt like an impossible mountain to climb. Everything was spinning out of my control, and yet I didn’t see any solution on how to rein it back in. I didn’t want to be burdened any longer, I didn’t want to linger on these terrible, dark thoughts; I wanted a taste of freedom from everything that clouded my mind. From the pain and heartache and mental torture I found myself in some days.

The last time I had felt good, not caring about the tangled mess my life had become, was when Nolan had helped me with my pent-up anger. When we had sparred, and my eyes had flared back to life.

When we had kissed.

My heart fluttered at the idea, heat flaring in my cheeks at the memory of his luscious lips moving against mine. That moment had been chaotic and exhilarating in ways I never knew I needed. It had ignited something in me; I wanted him again and I was too tired to try and convince myself otherwise. I wanted Nolan; no matter how much I tried to deny it for weeks now, it wasn’t going away.

The last time I had given into that lust had been more than I had ever imagined. What would happen if I gave into it again?

I watched him fumble with lighting the pyre, a laugh escaping my lips.

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