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It was odd to know Leslie and Franklin were with child. Although talk around town had been many girls were having children out of wedlock, my father called it a sort of post-war epidemic. Some girls were found out from trying to take a tonic to end the pregnancy, others suffered from suspicions around a timeline lapse between marriage and a full-term baby. And then, there were the few who birthed their child without secrecy, scorned by the community.
It was sad, the way everyone looked down upon the women who bore the consequences of joining, especially in these tight knit and wealthy communities. The men were able to walk away unscathed, unaffected by what they’d done. Merely a reputation, which had no real impact on their success in life.
And furthermore, why were we made to think it so wrong? Something that felt unimaginable, the closest thing to dying… why was it exclusive for marriage? Half the married people I knew hated one another.
It had not eluded me that what William and I had done would make me ‘unworthy’ in their eyes. It would make any man second guess me as a wife. How bizarre was that? Something that brought me such pleasure, such joy, made me feel more centered in myself as a woman, more alive than I had ever been. How was that fair? No one would punish William for it. I imagined his pals would slap him on the back, ‘right oh, chap!’
I fiddled with the necklace, the pearls cool even against my chilled skin. Would he find me unworthy, now that I had already given him so much of myself? Mother had mentioned a proposal because of his thoughtfulness, his doting. I knew if he'd detach himself now… I struggled to think past the chasm opening in my chest at the thought.
Love seemed to me something like effortlessly slipping into ecstasy. Love seemed to me what drove people to bed one another.
Did I love William? I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest.
“Here, my Rose.” A voice came from beside me. I sat straight in shock, William’s figure hiding in the shadows. He held his coat and scarf out for me, which he placed over my shivering shoulders.
“You scared me,” I said halfheartedly, a tremble in my voice. William sat beside me, leaning against the dense shrubbery.
“You shouldn't be out here, darling. You will fall ill again.” His face was serious, eyes full of some emotion I could not understand. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his chest, but it provided little warmth.
“I hate it in there, it's suffocating,” I complained, my face in the crook of his neck. He laughed softly.
“Why is that?”
“I am not sure if it's the people, or the fact that David Quinn was trying to make me one of his victims.”
“Or how about the factIaccompanied you?” His voice was low and pained. I tried to make eye contact with him, but he stared off toward the house.
“Oh, William,” I sighed, “you make it so much better. Were you not here, I'd most likely be freezing to death.” I placed my hand on his thigh, suddenly distracted by what I knew lie beneath his trousers.
“No, you would be in there dancing with David Quinn, keeping your heart pumping and your blood flowing.” William detached himself from me, about to rise, but I quickly grabbed his shirt, pulling him back down to my eye level.
“You can do that,” I whispered, the small amount of light the only thing allowing me to see his smile. He kissed me, softly at first. Just gently molding his mouth to mine until I slid my tongue over his lip. He opened for me, the kiss turning into such need, such deeply seeded need I could not help but moan in response.
Coming onto my knees, I held him to me, unable to get enough air between our mouths clashing. The puffs of breath which escaped swirled around our heads with every pant. I pulled away, focusing on the buttons on his shirt, for I needed to touch him. All of him. I needed to feel his skin under my fingertips. How was it fair he could touch me in every place, but I had not him?
William drug his mouth down to kiss my neck, one hand on the side of my ribs, the other on the side of my neck. I managed to get through all the buttons, running my hand down the muscled plain of his stomach. God, he was magnificent. The skin of his chest dusted in bronze curls, trailing in a line down his stomach into his trousers. My teeth sunk into my lip as I trailed my fingers through the hair. He pulled my face back to his, but I was colder than he was, my teeth beginning to chatter, biting his lip. William laughed and stopped us.
“It appears you are too cold, my love.” Voice low and husky in my ear. I shivered compulsively, giggling wildly.
“D-d-o you w-want to l-l-leave?” I asked pitifully. With a laugh, he scooped me into his arms in one smooth movement. I cried out in excitement, reveling in the feeling of his arms caging me to him. I looked at his beautiful, skilled mouth and gently ran my finger over the swollen bottom lip. William walked with short, quick steps around the property, staying out of the glow of the windows.
“Close your eyes,” he murmured, almost exactly as he had the night he’d saved me from the murderer. I nodded, tucking my head into his neck and closed my eyes.
Only this time, when I felt him running, felt the rush of the wind, I opened my eyes. It took everything in me to hold in my scream. We were running faster than any horse I'd ever ridden. The gray-blue world flew by at daring speed, blurring together and whipping past us.
And yet, he was simply running.
After a fraction of a moment, he slowed, and with shocked disbelief I could see we were at the back entrance of my home. I could not formulate it in my mind how we had gotten here so quickly, how even though he’d run at such a speed, with me in his arms, he was scarcely out of breath.
“How on earth?” I squeaked, gripping tightly to him. With me still in his arms, William gently pushed the servant’s door open and tiptoed through the kitchen, passing Mary asleep in her rocking chair and into the hall. There were no lights, my eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness, but he easily found his way up the steps and to my door.
William opened it quietly and set me on my feet, closing and locking the door behind him. I strained my eyes to follow his darkened figure to the fireplace, which he lit.
The room came to life with the orange glow of the fire, which I approached eagerly to thaw my frozen fingers. Questions began to spring to life in my mind, a cautious sort of curiosity.
William stood behind me, gently tucking my hair to the side to press soft kisses to my neck. I shivered, bathing in the warmth of the fireplace and the dampness between my thighs.
He slowly slid his jacket from my shoulders, trailing his fingers down my arms as he did so, tossing the jacket to the side. I turned to him, kissing him gently, my hands on his neck. He wasn't guarded like usual but giving, his tongue finding my own, slick and delicious. William placed his hands on either side of my waist, and I could feel his fingers digging into me as I slid my palms down to his bare chest, where I began to take his shirt from him.
