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Ben slowed the knife and quirked a smile at his own thoughts. He knew what a self-fulfilling prophesy was. He didn’t go as far as to recite in the mirror each morningeverything is okay, everything is okay, but he knew gloomy forebodingsnever did shit for anyone. Squeezy had some useful sayings occasionally.
He watched Nikolas drain the last of the red wine from his first bottle and reach absentmindedly for the second.
“Did you have a good ride?”
“Excellent.”
“Where did you go?”
“Widdecombe.”
Ben chuckled quietly. It always impressed him that Nikolas could hold conversations whilst not actually being mentally present. He was tempted to slip in something outrageous or inflammatory, just to test how much attention his contributions were actually getting, but the sneaking suspicion that he’d witnessed his daughter using similar tactics held him back.
Instead, he went to the table and sat down on the chair with Nikolas’s bare feet, lifting them so they were in his lap instead. There wasn’t one single atom of Nikolas’s being that could resist his lap. It was a sure-fire tactic.
Nikolas put down his book, some glint of awareness of Ben’s thought processes apparent in the way he removed his glasses. He shifted his feet until his heels were pressing just where they both wanted them to be and raised his brows enquiringly.
“The holiday?”
“I do not want to oblige their imperatives.”
Ben frowned. Nikolas rolled his eyes and translated, “I don’t have to do what they want, when they want. I’m not their servant. I’m not even one of their subjects, come to that. I don’t feel like jumping through their hoops.”
Ben began drawing small circles on the table. “But I want a holiday—with you.”
It was rare for him ever to express a preference for anything. He had come into this relationship utterly overwhelmed by Nikolas and all that he represented, and he still found it hard to be assertive. He raised his eyes and saw Nikolas studying him closely. It made him uncharacteristically unsure of himself, and he lowered his gaze to the table once more and began flicking the pages of the novel abstractedly.
When the silence only extended, he added, “I don’t see enough of you.” This didn’t seem quite right either, so he tried, “Alone.” Still feeling he wasn’t quite representing the situation accurately, he blurted out, “It used to be just us, Nik, and you’ve added all these other people. I love them all, of course, but—”
“You added Molly Rose entirely without my input, I seem to recall.”
Ben snapped his gaze up. Nikolas could say these incredibly hurtful things and yet remain placid, as if he’d merely been commenting on the weather.
“Do you…?” What could he say to continue that?Resent her?
Nikolas stretched out a hand and stilled Ben’s restless assault on the pages of his novel, then entwined their fingers instead. “Benjamin Rider-Mikkelsen, you have given meall of this.Enabledit. Without you, I would still be married to that annoying woman who is causing us to have this conversation.” He smirked. “So, go on, I am listening. Now.”
“Okay.” Ben needed more breath and incredulously felt his heartbeat ratchet up a little. “Do you trust me?”
Nikolas’s brows shot up. He clearly hadn’t been expecting that question. So quickly that Ben thought it was probably just a trick of the light, Nikolas glanced down to Radulf. Almost as fast, although it was getting harder to believe it was merely imagined, Radulf gave a tiny headshake, as if something merely itched inside one ear. As if considering the dog’s advice, yet balancing its efficacy against hopes he might have held for later that night, Nikolas pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes, and replied cautiously, “Yes?”
Ben’s jaw dropped a little. “Unbelievable.”
Nikolas winced, released Ben’s fingers and picked up his wineglass. “It’s an unfair question, Ben. Trust you to do what? If it’s choose our movie for tonight, then no. I’m still recovering from your last selection.”
Ben hunched a little. It was fair criticism. He shouldn’t have gone with Squeezy’s recommendation. He drew a little pattern on the tabletop. “I want to choose the holiday.” He flashed his gaze up to see how this was received and added quickly, “I want to take you on holiday. My treat. For once. Me…taking you.”
Nikolas leant back in his chair, toying with his glass. “And this holiday will be…a surprise? Hence the trust issue?”
“Yes.”
“Will it involve centipedes or humans in any kind of medical juxtaposition?”
Ben repressed a smirk. “I don't know what that word means. But no.”
“Your idea of a fun time or mine?”
Ben wobbled his hand. “I’m aiming for somewhere in the middle.”
