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Aleksey did not think Ben would tolerate it for long, and it was unfamiliar to him as well. Nothing he had ever had done to him in the past had involved any genuine affection being shown.
He pressed his thumb to Ben’s hole and this did elicit more of a response than the slow stroking. He felt Ben’s broad back tense. He knew he was concentrating on this exploration now, not his other entertainments.
He pushed his thumb in deep and resumed stroking, spreading his fingers to encompass Ben’s balls as he did, repetitively squeezing and releasing in time with the deep, penetrating massage.
Finally, Ben appeared to have reached his limits, his forbearance on this transgression of his dignity, and he ripped around in a furious explosion of energy, knocking Aleksey onto his back on the bed, and straddling him, pinning his arms.
Aleksey thought he was in for another pummelling, a pounding that would leave them both breathless and hurting, but to his astonishment, Ben leant over him, pressing his whole body down onto his, then reached behind with one hand and returned the favour he’d been receiving. Aleksey arched as a finger pushed into him. He closed his eyes and swallowed deeply, the intrusion strangely more intimate than when Ben fucked him with his cock. Perhaps it was just the exquisite slowness, the intent behind this entry that made it so personal.
Perhaps it was just that they were finally acknowledging what they were doing, that this was not anonymous and that it had emotional consequences.
As he pleasured Aleksey below, Ben took them both in one hand, working their cocks together, so that when Aleksey finally came, it was Ben’s cock which brought him off, that rubbed alongside his, and his spill was theirs, shared and mingled and indistinguishable.
This was more awkward to recover from, and even Aleksey felt the need to say something, to name what they had done, just to comment on it. But he did not. It was not his way. Powerless in so many ways to the men who had used him, his silence was an act of control they had not been able to diminish.
Ben sat on him for some moments after they’d come, unconsciously working the tacky fluid between his fingers. He was staring down at him, expectant, perhaps, for this communication he felt he was owed, some acknowledgement of this change to what had been.
Finally, Aleksey knew it was up to him to break the moment.
He pursed his lips, thought for a moment, then observed, “You are too heavy. Get off.”
After another moment during which the green eyes held his with a rare intensity Ben didn’t often unleash, he raised his hand and deliberately mashed the mess into Aleksey’s face. Before he could protest this genuine insult, Ben swung off him and went into the bathroom. The door wasn’t slammed, but it was definitely shut forcibly.
* * *
Chapter 21
Five Months Before April
Ben woke a few weeks after booking the trip to a sense of unusual calm. He didn’t especially feel the need to go for a run, and he didn’t attempt to wake Nikolas for his other favourite activity. It was enough just lying there in the warmth alongside him. Ben had loved Nikolas pretty much since they’d met—give or take a few conflicted, confused first years. He’d felt protective of him since he’d learnt more of his history and come to see the child that lurked, forever ten years old and vulnerable, beneath the masks. But despite this growth, Ben very rarely felt Nikolas’s equal—worthy of the great privilege of being Nikolas Mikkelsen’s chosen partner for life. He did that morning. He began to understand the pleasure that could be derived from being in charge. Perhaps it was his experiences with his daughter, which he was increasingly learning to enjoy, where she was so much less capable in everything than he, but for the first time he wished that he were the older one in the complex relationship he had with Nikolas. He wanted to genuinely take care of Nikolas as opposed to the game they now played where they both pretended to believe the ridiculous notion that Nikolas needed anything from him at all. Need, as opposed towant.
He lay back in the rumpled dent he’d made in his side of the bed, watching the light increase through the glass above. There was a lot to think about, despite there still being a month or so before they left. Nikolas wasn’t going to have to do a thing—Ben wanted to do it all. He wasn’t too sure whatallentailed, but he was determined to master it.
Since his utter and complete humiliation at being so easily routed from his own house, Ben had tried to remedy his organisational shortcomings. It wasn’t easy taking over the reins from a control freak, however. Nikolas didn’t just run everything because he was better at it—Ben had slowly come to realise Nikolas was utterly and completely unable to delegate anything. He even bought his own presents these days—just so he would be sure to like them.
Squeezy would take care of security. Squeezy would take care of the dogs.
Tim would take care of Squeezy taking care of both these things.
Emilia and Miles would be heading back to school a few days beforetheywould leave for the States.
Molly…Molly had everyone to care for her. She would not miss him or Nikolas.
Ben pursed his lips, wondering if he was a bad man if he hoped that she would, in fact, miss him very much. It was unlikely, though. But who would she run to and badger and bully with him gone? Who would let her ride her new motorcycle—Nikolas had utterly forbidden her to go near it for some reason and had insisted it go back to the shop. Who would watch Bear Grylls with her and let her try to eat earthworms afterwards?
Ben felt uncharacteristically conflicted. He had to admit that his daughter would probably miss them both a lot. But didn’t absence make the heart grow fonder? It was possibly good for her. Character building.
Nikolas could take care of whatever he did with Jackson Keane and ANGEL, which wasn’t all that much in Ben’s estimation, but Ben was determined that every other task around their departure would be taken off Nikolas’s shoulders. This was Nik’s holiday, and Ben was going to make sure he enjoyed it.
He heard a soft clicking coming towards the bedroom and opened an eye to find Radulf studying him in his unnervingly observant blind way. By this time in the morning, Ben would usually be out running, and a convenient warm half of the bed had presumably been available. The old dog had now been caught out. Ben grunted and rolled towards Nikolas, freeing one edge. Radulf grunted back and didn’t accept the offer.
Ben snorted and rolled the other way, and Radulf slunk to the end of the bed and climbed up into the narrow but very warm space between them.
Ben couldn’t even see Nikolas over the hairy lump that now separated them.
He was just dropping off again when he jerked awake to find a pair of uncannily blue eyes frowning down at him.
PB was no longer a puppy. Squeezy reckoned the dog more resembled an elite wolf. Ben realised that he was, probably, now occupying this wolf’s early-morning-snooze spot. He wasn’t sure he liked the lip curl confirming this. He shifted back tighter against Radulf, and PB clambered into the sliver of space left on the edge.
