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It was possible that, for some unknown reason, he’d been suffering an emotional detachment from life when he’d arrived in England, but had not realised the true depths of this depression when he’d accepted The Family’s offer.
And who could have anticipated Ben Rider? How could he have known that someone might come into his life that he actually wanted to talk to?
But it was a pretty sad state of affairs even for poorSirNikolaswhen the only thing he could think of to chat about was some charred thatch. He mulled it over as they swung up ready to depart.
They sometimes rode up through the grounds and along a riverside path to some low, tree-covered hills, but today Aleksey wanted the sea and the freedom of the sand to push his horse and himself to the extreme. Having conversations in your sleep which you did not remember on waking was infuriating and clearly had to be discouraged.
His whole body cramped in its confinement.
Later, he would fuck Ben Rider, stretch and fly free for a blissful moment of release.
But for now, the beach would have to do.
He supposed he could always make a reference to that—to the sex, which was usually on Ben’s mind as soon as he got to Barton: when, where, and how often. But they never talked about it. Four years and not a word.
And Ben seemed oddly shut off still, as if he was thinking deeply about things too.
Which didn’t seem all that likely to Aleksey.
They reached the inlet. The whole expanse of the beach was accessible.
He felt his long limbs unfurling in response to the siren call of the waves. It was the closest he could ever come to genuine happiness as opposed to the substitute ironic amusement with which he filled his days. He wanted to race, and saw an immediate and matching excitement in Ben’s eyes.
He circled his horse around Ben’s teasingly. Ben could stay on his mount now, which was something, but despite Aleksey’s best efforts at instruction, he rode the creature still as he rode his motorbike—thinking he was in control of an inanimate thing. He had not yet made the visceral connection between his flesh and the animal’s.
Which is why Ben never won a race.
Which is whyhealways suggested one.
Which is why Ben was laughing at him now.
God, he loved to make Ben Rider laugh.
It was the closest he ever came to being a boy again with his twin. When Nikolas wasn’t crying because of something he’d done to him, he was laughing, because Aleksey was the force of nature which entirely dominated Nika’s life,createdhis whole life for him. Their mother surely hadn’t. She hadn’t even fucking fed them.
Shit. Was he trying to find something in Benjamin Rider that would replace the irreplaceable loss that had been his little brother?
He nudged his horse closer, and their knees briefly touched. Ben’s eyes, when he was wearing clothes, were always his best feature, despite Ben having many other parts that would compete for that title. But there was nowhere these entrancing green eyes seemed so entirely otherworldly as when they rode together. Could he fill Nika’s place by his side with this beguiling man?
Ben’s gaze gave him no answers. It was as infuriatingly remote and unreadable as if he stared into a tropical lagoon. He saw only his own reflection, and turned away, disheartened.
He agreed to a wager, and then Ben was off. Cheating as always. Aleksey was tempted to pause and smoke a cigarette, but such arrogance about his superiority on a horse was a thing of the past. Ben didn’t understand the animal, didn’t commune with it, but he was entirely physically reckless and would never willingly let anyone beat him at anything.
Odd trait, Aleksey always thought. Uncivilised.
He let his horse explode into furious flight.
He loved the sound of hooves galloping on sand, tried to recreate it sometimes, cupping his hands over his ears in the shower, listening to the drumming on his skull, but it never worked. Hadn’t worked the last time he’d tried it. All he’d heard was the sound of a man desperately trying to breathe beneath a pillow.
Ben was always fun to race against. Aleksey could take risks, toy with Ben’s concentration, control, tease and distract him, so that he lost the advantage of any early start.
The sand was perfect. Just off the high tide, it was firm beneath their horses’ hooves. The early chill had disappeared, and the true beauty of a late autumn day in Devon was apparent. They had the entire beach to themselves, so Aleksey just let it all go for a while and became himself for these few precious moments allotted to him.
By the time they came to the end of the run, he was so exhilarated that he was laughing openly. But he wasn’t worried; Ben had seen him like this before—knew that riding changed him. It was possibly why, Aleksey suddenly reasoned, Ben always wanted to accompany him. Huh.
He continued turning his mount in the shallow ripple of waves, pondering this surprising revelation.
He could tell Ben was trying to look annoyed at losing, but it was a poor attempt. They both knew who always won at everything they did.
