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I suck in a long breath. Frank is no longer my worry. Gabe made sure of that. He might not be dead, but the message that was sent to him is clear: hands off.
The thudding of the rain on the window needles my anxiety.
When the world was right, I welcomed storms because they matched my mood well. It felt like they were gathering all my pain and unleashing it on the world.
Now, they’re terrifying. It feels like the very walls of this apartment are closing in on me. Like I’m going to suffocate.
For years, I longed for Gabe to save me. To take my pain away.
But not like this. He makes me feel every single one of my scars, magnifying them until all that exists is my shame.
It was never supposed to be like this.
He was my first girlhood crush. Sitting across from him in that cafe all those years ago did something to me—it enlivened me. I don’t know if it was the intensity of his gaze or the fact that he made me feel seen, but he became the center of my every want.
I dreamed of giving myself to him. Letting him claim me. I’d longed for Gabe to take my innocence and replace it with carnal knowledge meant only to be used with him.
At eighteen, I was determined to make my dream a reality. I figured that since I was an adult in the eyes of the law, there was nothing stopping him from taking me in.
Instead of a ticket to start over, I received a necklace in the mail with a gold charm. A four-leaf clover.
It was almost as if he were saying, “Good luck, kid,” and washing his hands of me.
I never wrote to him again. Not once. The hurt and humiliation were too great.
Another crash sounds from outside, followed by a great illumination.
My spine snaps straight as every muscle in my body tenses. I feel my panic escalating, triggering a fight-or-flight response.
It’s just a storm. Rain and electrostatic discharge. Nothing to get my panties in a twist over.
But as another strike comes, my mind breaks. I’m taken back to that fateful day, when everything changed. When everything I had in the world was taken from me, replaced with a man who was a living nightmare.
His hands on my flesh are a searing memory I’ll never escape from. The dead kill you once. I’ve been killed a thousand times.
I hop off the sofa bed and look for a place to hide. I scurry to get under the small dining table, but in my haste, I send a chair crashing to the floor.
There’s nowhere to go.
Everyone can see me.
They all want me.
The room slants. Everything pulses. It’s too fucking hot.
I can’t deal with this. I can’t breathe.
Something isn’t right.
I scan the room, my eyes falling on a door.
Come on…focus…
Every step I take brings me deeper into the chaos of my mind. I’m no longer safe in Gabriel’s apartment. I’m with Frank again.
He wants me to dance.
I squeeze my eyes closed and sprint to the door, opening it and rushing inside.
