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His words wound me more than Frank’s fists ever could.
“Shit!”Gabriel mumbles. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Arguing with him is only going to put a wedge between us, so I fork a bite of pancake in my mouth, shrug, and say, “Your loss.”
“So…you’re okay with it?” he says, sounding almost hurt.
No, I’m not okay with it, because it would be torture. Seeing Gabriel—wanting him—every day, while I’m forced to take another man and have their babies, ones I’ve always wanted with Gabe, is the very definition of cruelty.
But I won’t win Gabriel over by begging. Perhaps negotiating would bring me closer to my goal.
“How long has it been?” I ask. “Since you’ve been with a woman?”
He snickers. “Too long.”
“Since before the zombies came?”
“Since two years ago.”
My mouth gapes ever so slightly.
“I found myself in a bit of trouble. Prison kind of trouble,” he says, his voice cracking. “I never thought I’d find my way out of the hole dug for me, and I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for some special ops recruitment going on. Some official looking fellow that called himself Saber offered me freedom in exchange for me donning a black uniform and calling myself Civil Police. That was about three months before everything went to hell.”
That Gabriel would land himself in trouble boggles my mind, but I can tell the subject pains him, so I don’t push for details. Instead, I focus on what I want.
“I know you feel embarrassed by what we did last night, and the thought of being with me comes with mental hurdles that seem too big to scale, but I feel just the opposite. Being with you feels like the most natural thing in the world, and I think that if you got to know me, the real me, you might actually enjoy what we can do together.”
“You think I don’t know that? My resistance has nothing to do with want or worry that I won’t like being with you. It’s that I’ll like it too much. That I won’t be able to stop. That I’ll ruin you.”
“Gabe, did you not hear me? I’ve wanted you since I was sixteen.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“But it does make it consensual. You’re not taking advantage of me. Quite the opposite. Am I bad for wanting you?”
Gabe shakes his head slowly from side to side. “You could never be bad, but you are young, and you may not know what it is you want. What if we get to the Keep and you find you like someone like Alistair?”
“Alistair?”
“Or any of the knuckleheads I roll with.” He frowns. “Stay away from Dane.”
“Is he bad?”
“A total bastard.”
“How long can we stay in this apartment?”
He tilts his head to the side, as though deep in thought. “With the storm, a week. I might be able to stretch it if I tell them you’re not ready.”
“Let’s make a bargain. While I’m here, I’m yours. Only yours. Kind of like a trial run.”
“And when I finally take you in to the Keep?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
He looks at me as though he’s actually considering my offer, and it makes my heart flutter wildly in my chest.
“I’ll be honest. It’s a tempting offer.”
