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I pulled the drawstrings tight on the satchel and met his eyes. “You want my honest opinion?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
I rubbed my temple. “I think it’s already too late for us.”
“Bullshit,” Mathias grumbled.
I arched a brow. “Think about it. None of us have found our mates. Ranger and Reason are the youngest pack members, and they’re thirty. I’m almost forty. If my mate is out there, she’s probably married with a family by now. We’re not going to be leaving this pack to a new generation. The Salem Pack ends with us.”
His watery eyes narrowed. “Who says your mate is your age? She could be younger than you. That’s why you haven’t found her yet.”
I smirked. “I’m not going to start looking for a twenty-year-old so we can try to make cubs to carry on the pack.”
“Have you told your mother that?”
“No.” He was playing dirty now, bringing my mom into this. I ground my teeth. “But she’s stopped asking if I’m seeing anyone. She can see the writing on the wall. Why can’t you?”
“Because I never found my mate, and I want more for you, for all of you.” He shook his head and looked out the window again. “You might think sex is enough, but when you wake up one day and realize you’re an old man with no one to hold hands with on the porch…” His voice trailed off, and my chest tightened.
“I’ve seen you holding hands with Lillian before.”
He nodded and turned my way again. “We are friendly. But it’s not the same. She’s not my mate.”
I ran a hand down my face. “I can’t do this with you. If you’re determined to step down and make someone else Alpha, give it to Kiefer. He wants the job.”
Mathias eyed me for a moment. “I wasn’t raised to be an Alpha, either. When I came back from the war, our Alpha had been banished and our pack was floundering. I stepped up because they needed me. That’s what I’m asking of you.”
“But plugging me into the Alpha spot isn’t going to change anything. All it will do is piss off Kiefer and force the others to choose sides.” I shook my head. “I’m no better off than you. I’ve got no mate and no heir. What makes you think I’m going to be able to turn things around here?”
The corner of his mouth curved into a crooked, knowing smile. “Because you’re the best of all of us.”
I blinked, my brows pinching together. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You’re the business manager for Munro Manor Farms, and you could run this entire place on your own if you had to. You’ll take care of the pack financially because you’re already doing it. Next, you’re a great fighter and tracker. Maybe not the strongest in the pack physically, but you make up for that in craftiness.”
I chuffed, crossing my arms. “Nice way of saying I play dirty sometimes.”
“Only when you have to.” His eyes shone with a pride that made me miss my father. “And most importantly, you look ahead. You think with your head instead of jumping into a fight with your hair on fire. We need an Alpha who can outsmart these hunters and find the people pulling the strings. You’re the only one in this pack with that kind of long-term vision.” He lowered his voice and settled back into his pillows. “Besides, I think you’re going to find your mate. Lillian’s seen you with cubs in her scrying mirror.”
My jaw went slack. “What?”
He closed his eyes. “I need to rest. Come see me in the morning. I’ll talk to Kiefer.”
I tightened my grip on the velvet pouch as I left the room. His words kept echoing through my head. Lillian had seen me with…cubs.
Sons.
I mulled over the feeling of the word. As a boy, I’d grown up idolizing my father. I had wanted to be like him and play ball with my own sons someday. But that vision of my future had disappeared years ago, shortly after my father had faded into a shadow of the dad I used to know.
I got into my truck and drove away without saying a word to anyone. I should’ve at least checked in with Wes and Wyatt, but I didn’t. When I got to Spring Pond, I frowned. I’d been so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn’t realized this was where I’d been headed.
After I parked, I walked to the water’s edge and stared at the smooth surface. The silence wrapped me in a cold April embrace as the shadows lengthened around me. The large pond sat on thirty-nine acres of land full of hiking trails. Writings about the beauty of this place went all the way back to 1670, but to me, it felt like a door that my brother had walked through, leaving us behind.
His death still didn’t make sense to me. We hadn’t even been shifting for a year yet. Why would his wolf have swum out into the water in the dark?
For years the guilt and anger ate me up, and I wasn’t the only one. My father had drowned in a bottle, drinking until his liver couldn’t keep up with him anymore.
I picked up a rock and skipped it across the pond, watching the ripples blur the reflection of the trees on the water. We still shifted in these woods, but after Zack’s death, Mathias took us deeper into the forest, farther from the water’s edge.
