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“I’m sorry,” he says to my belly. “I’m so sorry. I just—” he sighs and then holds his breath again. “I really don’t know what to do. I’m so angry. I’m so confused and—it’s my father, you know? I’ve always been able to separate what can happen in the business and family, but now they’re intertwined … and I just haven’t known how to act.”
I lie there, stroking his back and hair. I feel a wave of relief wash through me. “Luca, you don’t have to say this.”
“I do,” he says. “I accused you of killing my father. I accused you when all I feel for you is—” He stops now.
I want him to finish what he was about to say. Love? That you love me the way I love you? But he doesn’t say anything. We both lie there, silent, listening to the breathing of the other. Then he turns away.
“I’m sorry,” he utters.
I lie there in the dark, with his child growing inside me. I feel like I’m in another bed, another universe. How did everything right turn so wrong so quickly? Yet we have a child that I still haven’t told him about …
“Luca?” I ask.
But he doesn’t respond, he’s already snoring.
So he remains without knowing. Maybe he doesn't have to? Maybe no one has to know? Maybe we won’t last after all?
But shouldn’t I tell him? Wouldn’t this all be easier?
I swallow and close my eyes. I keep hearing Marco telling me how he takes out his phone and wants to call me. I wonder if he lied? I wonder what Luca is thinking, or why he doesn’t just tell me what he’s thinking or feeling? Why don’t I just ask? He was just telling me … He apologized …
I sigh and turn to sleep.
What happened to us?
Secrets, that’s what happened.
Chapter 20
Luca
“It’sstillfuckingdisgusting,”one of my father’s friends says. Jay is eighty-two years old, and is sitting on a stack of tires next to Carl, another one of my father's old friends. They were in the family business when my father was young. “These fucking rat bastard Manettis will pay.” He shakes his fist.
I nod my thanks and smile. “Thanks Jay.”
“And you need any help running this ship, we're here,” Carl adds in. He licks his lips and uses his handkerchief to dry the spittle at the corner of his mouth. “We don’t have muscle but we got brains, kid. We did this when you were shitting diapers!”
Marco snorts. I look at him as if not to encourage them. I was called down to the warehouse by one of the guards; there’d been a car of elderly gentleman driving around looking for an entrance. When they finally found one, they wouldn’t leave until they’d seen me. I hadn’t seen any of them in years.
“So what’re you doing about it all?” Jay asks. He’s got an oxygen tank by his leg and breathing apparatus he sucks air from every few minutes. “I want pictures of these fuckers too.” He shakes his head. “It’s rude what they’re doing.”
“It’s disgusting,” Marco adds.
Carl nods, pointing at Marco. “He’s fucking right,disgusting.”
“Well we’re getting to the bottom of it,” I say. “That’s what we’re doing. We’ve been tracing the signal of their messages as of late. Trying to draw as wide of a net as we can. I’m using a few of my contacts with the Miami Police, but it seems our enemy has just as good a tech as us.”
“Fucking cowards, hiding behind a little fucking phone,” Jay says, coughing and then wheezing. He grabs for his oxygen again.
“When we were young it was all in person,” Carl says. “I remember running up to a young Frank Russo back in the Ocean Beach days, that Tommy fuck’s brother. He was on our turf. I took my razor out and he was off. The pussy didn’t even hang around.”
This one makes me smile. If only they knew I wasengagedto a Russo now. I think to tell Sophie, she might laugh.
But the very thought darkens me. We’ve soured. The other night we tried to connect… tried to kiss and be together, but even that was distant. I’d ruined it. My anger ruined it. I just—I’m still struggling to apologize. This is the same distance that came up between me and my father. A coldness that I couldn’t get past. I had to try though. Didn’t I?
Maybe that was the cycle I needed to break?
I get a text from my phone. It’s a security alert. Just a notification to tell me that the phone has been accessed and our account is logged in. I grunt. This shit keeps happening. I think it’s only just her checking up on me. But who knows.
