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“Did killing ever get … difficult for you..?”
He laughs. “Obviously, I missed the last one I went for.”
“No, I mean emotionally…”
He stands up straight and looks at me with a worry I’ve never seen before. “Are you getting soft?” He asks.
I shrug it off. “No way…”
But am I?
Am I getting soft?
“Listen…” He grabs my forearm and leans in close to my ear. “Don’t show weakness to her, Tony…she’s your mom, but she’ll kill you faster than anybody else.” He drapes his arm around me, still close to my ear. “And if you need an escape plan, you let me know…”
He squeezes my shoulder, doing his best to encourage me.
I shake my head and take a deep breath. There’s no escaping. And I’m not one to run away either.
“I just need to figure out what’s what…” I am relieved. “I just need to get my mojo back.”
It was those words that sent me to the Garfield Park that night.
I’m confident as I stride toward the rap music blasting louder and louder the closer I get. I know this area well. It’s my old stomping ground. Back when me and Josh used to come into the area when we were younger to get us some Chicago girls we always stopped here.
It’s one of the best places to get into a fight in the whole city.
My adrenaline’s already pumping.
Every step I take seems heavier than the last, like something’s telling me not to do it.
Maybe I am losing it. Maybe I am getting’ soft'.
The music drums so hard I can feel the vibration under my feet and women too drunk to stand are squealing out and making my ears burn. The noise is deafening.
Who am I going to target?
There’s a guy on this side that I know for a fact is throwing a party tonight, and he’s a Colombo.
Maybe I pay him a visit like he paid Aria a visit.
I feel like an addict.
Like I’m about to feed my addiction.
My veins are throbbing like a junkie and I wonder when I got this bad…
Did my shrink have it right all those years? Did I have so much childhood trauma that I was unleashing holy hell on everyone?
Before I always thought I was a monster, but if I’m really a monster, wouldn’t I be able to kill Aria?
Would I even care if I loved her?
Would I even be able to love her?
I stop dead in my tracks…
Love?
