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“And freakiest.” Sophie is shaking her head. “I remember thinking so many things, and nothing, at the exact same time.”
“I was frustrated that I hadn’t had enough breakfast, I think,” I say. We both laugh, and Sophie starts helping me pack again. “Ultimately though, as soon as it was confirmed. I just rushed right to Sebastian. There was nothing else I wanted to do.”
We fall silent for a few moments. The heat coming off the windows is making the room unbearable so I open them to let aslightbreeze through. We sit there on the bed with the warm winds drifting in over the ocean bathing us in a smell of salty grime.
“You gonna tell your mother?” Sophie asks.
I hesitate, but ultimately shake my head. “I was going to wait until after the funeral. I don’t want to give her confusing emotions at this time.”
“Maybe it’ll help her cope? A new life as an older one departs, that kind of thing.”
I nodded my head from side to side, a shrug erupts up my body, but it’s still the same. “I think even I feel odd about it still. Like, Sebastian and I have just gone from being friends, to being secret lovers, to lovers and now parents to be.” It all tumbles out of me in one breathe. “I think it’ll make it a bit more real, if I tell my mother,Ya know?”
Sophie nods. “That I do know. Keeping it secret was so hard, and now that I look back, it would've stopped so many problems. It would’ve saved so many lives, maybe. But you have to do what you think is best.”
I lean forward. “Which is exactly why I’m going to live with my mother. I can only imagine how sad she is with Carlos dead. I know Carlos wasn’t perfect, and mom knows that Carlos wasn’t perfect, but to her, he’ll always be her perfect little guy. Her big boy who helped carry the luggage up the stairs when we were running away.”
Sophie takes my hand. “I hope she doesn't find out the truth then and shatter that vision.”
“Me neither,” I say.
As Sophie closes and zips my bag, I continue to stare at the floor. I can't stop thinking about Carlos now. I’d worked so hard to keep the vision of who he was alive for my mother, that sometimes I’d forgotten who he’d been andwastoo. I’d been so angry at him for so long for abandoning us and running away. But maybe the pressure of years of having to be the man of the house, or her strong little guy, was taking its toll on him. Maybe he just wanted a fresh start and somewhere where he could be himself. And not a family’s hero.
I just wish it hadn’t got him killed.
Chapter 21
Sebastian
Icomeoutofthe bar and grill on the beachfront and head back north towards my car. Joe has been running that little grease joint for years, letting everyone from bikers, traffickers, fliers, drivers, heist hands, and bodyguards eat and drink there. It’s like a criminal who has open jobs and information. Of course Joe is confidential with all his customers and friends; he keeps a tight ship and an even tighter lid. He doesn’t trust many people.
But he does trust me.
Before I worked for Tommy Russo, I worked the grill and dishwasher at Joe’s. I was some kid he found spraying paint in the back alley of his shop. He scared the shit out of me at sixteen. Five feet nine, arms like tree trunks, and wielding two twin spatulas. He also had a belly that probably weighed as much as mine. If anyone thought Joe couldn’t move quickly, they'd be dead wrong. When I turned to run, he’d pinned me against the wall in seconds.
I worked the rest of the night scrubbing that paint away and doing dishes.
Then I came back the next night.
And the night after that.
Pretty soon I was working for Joe seven days a week and serving some of the most dangerous people Miami had to offer, burgers and fries, hotdogs, and milkshakes. It was bizarre, yet very cool at the same time. I suppose I took on some sort of edge, because Carlos, Sophie, and even Mimi had all began to tease me about the way I was starting to act.
But none of it mattered, because for the first time in my life I had someone who treated me like an equal, as well as a son.
I come to my car, unlock it, and sit down in the heat box. The windows go down immediately, and I begin running through my mental checklist of who else I could talk with. Someone has been, and still is, trailing me and Mimi. I mean to find out who they are so I can get the fuckers to stop.
I pull out into traffic and begin cruising the Ocean Drive of Fort Lauderdale. There are families rolling along the pavement, kids riding bikes and people walking around in swimwear. I watch all of it with a grin plastered across my face.
I still can’t believe I’m going to be a father.
I check my blind spot, change lanes, and turn left immediately. I drive along a few lanes then pull into an alleyway. I’ve been doing stupid things like this the last couple days, convinced that someone is following me. A car, a person I don’t know. But there’s a presence I feel…
I wait and watch the street. All the cars that go past are unrecognizable. No one I can pick from the other.Good.
I continue on out through the other end of the alley and head back inland. I keep driving until I hit the main highway, then turn on to go see Mimi and her mother. I’ve been using any excuse to go and check on her and the bump. I whip my phone out and text that I’m on my way.
We haven’t told her mother yet about the pregnancy, and as far as Mimi is concerned, we aren’t planning on telling her any time soon. Mimi’s been handling all of the New York business to try and keep her mother from knowing the truth about Carlos’ death, and since the NYPD decided that because his death is connected to organized crime within the state of New York, they’re holding his body on evidence based practices until anything else can be proven about the fire. It’s giving her a headache trying to hide the truth, but I guess she wants to try and preserve some sort of vision of him for herself. Maybe herself too.
