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Carlos twitches his foot again and then adjusts his position on the ground. He looks at the man at the door, then back at me. He smiles.
All I see is my older brother smiling at me like when we were kids. Like when I used to be scared of the seagulls squawking in the middle of the night and he let me sleep in his bed.
“Hey sis.”
I shake my head in amazement. “The people you hang out with.”
He smiles mildly again.
“What the hell were you thinking?”
He looks away. “I wasn’t exactly doing much of that.”
“Why didn’t you just ask for help? Why didn’t you come to Seb and me? Luca even? I’m sure he could’ve helped.”
Carlos keeps his eyes off me. “You don’t know what it’s like to be so desperate. Literally, the only clarity I’ve felt in the lastyearis right now having my toe cut off.”
“I’m sure there have been plenty of other times.”
But Carlos shakes his head again. “You don’t get it. I’ve been viewing everything as an opportunity to manipulate, make money, or whatever. Even coming back here.” He does look at me now. “I’ve spent the whole time trying to figure out how I could use you all to help myself.”
“You were desperate,” I say immediately. “You weren’t thinking straight.”
Carlos huffs. “That doesn’t sound as good coming back as when I said it. Sounds too real.” He pauses for a moment. “How can you be so forgiving?”
“I never said I forgive you.” I bite my tongue, wondering if I should’ve been so honest. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you. We all make mistakes. We all do stupid things. But penalizing someone for being afraid doesn’t make them feel any better about their fear.”
“You sound like you actually listened to mom as a kid.”
“Didn’t you?”
Carlos purses his lips. “Guess I should’ve, might’ve kept me from being such a disappointment.”
“I don’t think you’re a disappointment, Carlos; you’re an idiot, but not a disappointment.”
“I’ve brought you into this. Iama disappointment. And it was evident as soon as Sebastian picked me up.” He looks like he’s battling an internal conversation with himself. “I was trying to be so cool and coy with you all, trying to act like I was this king up north. I wasn’t. I’ve been a rat scurrying about for years. Barely making ends meet and becoming a worse and worse person. Yeah, I agreed to kill someone. Yeah, I tried robbing others and tricking people out of their money too. I was horrible. But the worst part of all was coming home and seeing that you were all fine.”
“We’re not all fine—” I say, frustration bubbling up.
“But you were. You’d all been living a pretty happy life without me and doing great. Even you and Sebastian. Honestly, I’m happy for you. It makes sense. You’ve known each other forever, and you guys are the perfect fit. But I had to make it about me. About the brother who came crawling back…”
“Just stop!” I hiss. Suddenly I understand Mom’s frustration at us as kids when we were being or acting glum. It gets you nowhere. “We need to escape this place, and you need to stop acting like that.”
“You can’t escape these guys; I’ve tried.”
“Well, we need to, Carlos—”
The man at the door yells something in Russian and laughs. He looks back at us to make sure we’re still where we are. Then she keeps looking outside.
“We need to escape Carlos.”
He looks at me now with defeated eyes. He’s broken and completely deflated. “Why? Why fight anymore? Gimme one good reason.”
I’ve got one.
“Because I’m pregnant. This isn’t about your life on the line, my life on the line, or even Sebastian and Luca’s life on the line. It's about my child’s...” Carlos’ eyes bulge, and he props himself up on his elbows.
“What?”
