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"The medics said my blood could heal Taj and Dev, and they were supposed to wake up.They were supposed to wake upand where were you?"
"Princess," Arkan breathed, reaching for me.
I shook my head, stepping out of reach. I needed his touch more than anything in the fucking world, but the self-sabotaging dick in my head wouldn't allow that to happen.
"I'm here now," he said, something different in his voice but too subtle for me to place it.
I swallowed the knot in my throat and shoved my shaking hands under my arms, crossing them tightly. "I needed youthen.And I needed you in the throne room when you vanished. If you'd been with us, maybe Dev would be awake. Maybe Taj wouldn't have beencut in fucking two!This is your fault, Arkan."
My hands shook harder. Too far—I was pushing myself too far, and I'dgonetoo far.
I opened my mouth to take the words back, but Arkan ducked his pale head and nodded.
He … nodded. Agreed with the fear and panic and violence drowning me.
No,I mouthed, the word too quiet, too choked, to form. The tears I'd been fighting burned my eyes, one escaping down my cheek.
"You're right," he agreed, hunched and hurt, avoiding my gaze.
My breath caught. My words replayed in my head, cruel and wrong.
Whatever had been holding me together for three days of hospital visits and dog feeds collapsed into dust. I dragged in a rough, tiny breath—and smelled tears.
The rage of uselessly hoping drained out of me, and now I was tired and sad. I was so fucking sad.
"Ark," I rasped and stumbled across the garden, startling him by hugging him. "Ark, no, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."
Arkan's hands fluttered at his sides; he didn't hug me back. Fair enough. I was a hurtful bitch too ruled by emotions, too tainted by darkness.
"Don't be sorry," he said in a voice somehow flatter than usual. "You're right."
"I'm not. Fuck, I’m really wrong." I choked on air, like my body forgot how to breathe.
I hugged him fiercely, his peppermint scent invading my senses until my face crumpled and a sob choked me. The only place I allowed myself to cry was with the dogs, never with Arkan because—because I didn't want to make his pain worse by giving himmeto worry about, too.
What a great job I'd done of that.
His arms snapped around me like bars of iron, a cage of comfort that I fell into. No, literally; my legs gave out and I fell into him.
"I'm sorry," I croaked, clinging to him, "I didn't mean—I just—I can't—"
"Breathe,Avie," he commanded coolly.
An awful broken whine came from my throat when he brushed pink hair off my tear-stained face—the same sound I'd made when Taj was stabbed. The touch felt like forgiveness, like reassurance and the promise that we'd be okay. But we wouldn't. Without X and Taj and Dev, we wouldn't.
I sucked down a strained breath on Arkan’s orders, twisting my fingers in his silk shirt, probably wrecking the fabric like I'd ruined his dayandhis mental state. A real three-for-one offer.
"I'm scared, Ark," I breathed, my face buried in his shoulder, sucking down his scent like it could purify the poison in me. "I thought—" Nausea twisted my stomach; I held onto him until it passed.
"What happened?"
"Shira said my blood might heal them," I explained, halting and quiet. "Because I'm their mate, it could wake them from their comas and—"
His arms tightened when my voice broke. "It didn't work?"
"I thought it would," I rasped. "But nothing changed. Their eyelids didn’t even twitch. I don't know how much longer I can do this, Ark. I'm supposed to find the infernal relics, but how can I do that when I don't have Dev and Taj, and I'm a fuckingwreck?But X is relying on me and I just—"
He tipped my chin up so I met his gaze, the torment in his blue eyes matching mine. "I'm working on it with Bel, Taj's cousin."
