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Despite the fact this was a rash idea, I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Couldn’t stop envisioning a future with Leo and kids. Hadn’t I wanted to skip to the part where I could be comfortable with someone, where our relationship would extend beyond the awkward stage of dating? Leo and I were in the liking zone of what was a rocky start. And having sex with him was no hardship. Okay, so we wouldn’t sleep in the same bed, hold hands, or say I love you. At this point, all of that seemed overrated compared to having a person who’d be a partner and a good father to his children.
The whole situation made my head spin, so I did what any woman in my position would do: I called my best friend. Unfortunately, Brooke wasn’t nearby. She was on-site in Haiti doing amazing work as an obstetrician with Doctors Without Borders. I could only hope she had a few minutes.
“Hey, you,” she answered on the second ring.
Damn, it had only been a few weeks, but I missed her. We used to see each other on a daily basis in our old office and would otherwise hang out. While she was away, we’d kept in touch via text message, but it wasn’t the same as chatting in person.
“Hey yourself. How are you?”
“I’m doing great. This experience has been really worthwhile. And things with Lucas are terrific despite the long-distance situation. I’m counting the days until I get to see him again. Only three more weeks.”
Lucas was her one-night stand turned co-worker turned lover turned boyfriend turned love of her life. I couldn’t have been happier for them, especially as they started their next chapter together. “I’m so happy for you.”
“How are you? How’s the new job?”
“It’s going great. I feel valued in the office, and since it’s growing, I can be creative with my ideas. The people are great.”
“Wonderful. How’s the dating situation?”
“Good. Actually, I met someone.”
“Through your matchmaker?”
It must have been awhile since we’d caught up. “No, those dates were a bust. So was online dating. He’s actually someone I work with. He wants a lot of the same things I do.”
“That’s terrific. I only have a few minutes, but tell me about him.”
“He’s former military, six foot four, huge and muscular, has long dark hair and a beard, neither of which I thought I’d like, but boy does he wear them well. Tattoos, piercings, gruff, but with a surprisingly tender side beneath his rough exterior. We didn’t get along at first, but I don’t put up with his moods, and he seems to get me like no one else has. He makes me feel beautiful and—”
“Addy, you sound so happy.”
I did, didn’t I? “I think I am.”
“Why are you questioning it, then?”
There was only so much you could reveal in a short phone call, and I didn’t have the words to go into the lost condom, Plan B pill, elective co-parenting part of it. Instead I went with the generic version of what worried me. “How do you know if you can trust your gut? To trust you’re making the right decision about your future.”
If she thought this an odd way of phrasing a relationship question, she didn’t mention it. “Short answer is you trust it until it gives you reason not to, and then you revise. Think about how things are making you feel. Are you anxious? Think about why. Are you sick to your stomach and can’t sleep? Then question the reason. But if you’re feeling good about it, then maybe you’re on the right path. I wish I had more time to talk, but email or text me, and we’ll plan on talking again soon. Once I get back to the US, I’ll take a trip to Vegas, and we’ll get together, okay?”
“Absolutely. Talk to you soon.” After hanging up the phone, I let out a long sigh. I wasn’t sick to my stomach or having trouble sleeping, but I did have questions. Lots of them. And they needed answers before I could set my fears aside.
First on the list was finding out if Leo was still up for the deal. Or had he realized this was craziness and was ready to pull the plug?
Knocking on his office door promptly at eight o’clock the next morning, I fought the butterflies in my stomach, unsure if I wanted him to remain serious about the co-parenting idea or not. Then I walked in and saw him sitting there in his suit, and my nerves turned into heat. Was there anything the man didn’t look sexy in?
“Hi. Good morning.”
He eyed me as a predator would survey his next meal. “Good morning.”
“Do you have a few minutes?”
“For you. Yes.” He indicated I should take a seat in his visitor’s chair.
“I wanted to talk to you about last night.” I licked my lips, gearing up for my list of questions.
His sigh forestalled me, filling the room. “If you’ve decided this is a reckless idea, then I understand. I really do.”
My gaze snapped to his. “Did you change your mind?”
