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“Well, do not stop now. You wanted what? To pretend as if you are a lord? The heir of Whitmear?”
Of course, that is what she would think. How typical. “No. For once, I wanted to be freely happy.”
She was silent, and with how we spoke, one would have thought us familiar. To think this would be the nature of our first conversation together.
“She begged me not to blame you,” she finally spoke, though her gaze was fixed outside the carriage. “She did not care at all for her own reputation. For a young lady in her position, that means she cares for you deeply. I will assume you care for her as well?”
“Yes,” I admitted, hanging my head.
“Then you must end it,” she replied. “If you truly care for her, dare I say even love her, you must not do this to her, Theodore.”
I looked up to see her gazing at me with sympathy. “She does not know what it is like to be the center of gossip and mockery; whatever talk of her family, those sins were not her own. As such she has never not been highly regarded. For her to fall from such a height in society will harm her greatly.”
I already knew this.
I had told myself all of this.
Yet I never truly accepted it.
Now I had no choice.
I had to leave her.
“I do not know how to be without her,” I whispered. “I do not wish to be without her.”
“Then you shall see her ruined?”
I did not answer.
“I shall help you,” she said.
“Why?” I frowned. “Is there something you want in return?”
“Yes…I wish for you to go visit your father.”
Of all the things I thought she would request that had never come to my mind, so I was not sure how to respond.
“No.”
“Theodore—”
“With all due respect, your ladyship, my answer is no. I have no desire to see that man.” Even less so now in light of present circumstances. “Surely there must be something else you would require—?”
“What could I require of you? You have nothing to offer me or any other lady of the ton. My desire is simple. Your presence at Wentwood House.”
“To what end? I have no business with the man nor him with me—”
“Your father is ill,” she said and paused. I met her gaze clearly for the first time. “He wishes to see you before it is too late. That is why I have come.”
“What is his illness?”
“No one knows. We have called many doctors, none have been able to cure him. As you yourself have become so renowned the very least you can do is visit him, is it not?”
“That is all you wish for?” I asked carefully. “You shall not speak a word of—”
“Lady Verity’s reputation is risked by you alone,” she replied, causing me to once more wish to fall into the earth. Instead the carriage came to a stop at the Crown Inn. I moved to open the doors myself when she spoke once more.
“Theodore, just because life is often unfair does not mean you are free to rebel against it.”
I snickered in that moment as bitterness and anger filled me. “Said the great and noble woman who became so on the bones of someone else. Do not fret, your ladyship, I am well versed in this, good day!”
I could not bother to spare her or the carriage another look. Marching inside the inn, I did not even hear the voices of the innkeeper nor the patrons inside. My ears were ringing from anger.
Entering the room, I ripped off my jacket, throwing it to the floor and slamming my fist against the wall beside me.
I folded under the weight of the rage I felt but could not express, falling to the floor where I sat, wishing, praying, begging for some…reprieve. But none would come. None ever came. It felt like hours had gone by, because hours had, the day outside turning to night. It was only then that I rose to my feet and moved to the trunk at the end of the bed.
Knock. Knock.
“Theodore?”
I exhaled at the sound of his voice. Of all the people I did not wish to see now, he was at the top of the list.
“Theodore?” The door opened as Henry entered.
I said nothing, moving to my vanity to collect my paperwork.
“What has happened? I came to see—”
“Go home, Henry,” I muttered.
“Like hell I will! What did your stepmother say? Does she mean to threaten you? Pay her no heed. No one will believe her or they will simply think she means to destroy your character—”
“Henry, go home,” I said again.
“What are you doing? There is no reason for you to run—”
“HENRY!” I hollered angrily. “For the love of God himself, LEAVE ME BE!”
“Theodore, I just wish to help you—”
“There is nothing you can do or say to help! You do not even have the capacity to understand. How could you? You are the only son of Lord Fancot, the future viscount. The greatest of futures has been assigned to you since birth, every door open to you, and even still you reject it. You bemoan your circumstances and begrudge your parents who live and breathe to secure your happiness with the most amiable ladies in society. How could you even begin to help me? Shall you make me legitimate? Shall you give me the hand of the woman I desire? No. You can do nothing, so all I ask is for you to LEAVE ME BE!” I took a deep breath, hanging my head. “You have no idea what it is like to be a bastard, Henry.”
