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A tight band squeezed my chest, compressing even my smile as I shook my head. “Nah, I could say the same. It’s how I feel, too, and… Cullen, I’ll always be sorry about how things ended back then.” I’d told him before, but I’d keep telling him until I was sure he knew I meant it.
“I’m not.”
When I eyed him skeptically, he shrugged with a crooked smile. “We were good together back then, sure, but I would’ve hated to watch us fade away or end up resenting each other. I’ll take a friendship with you any day.”
Friendship. Jesus. How could a word be so hopeful and depressing at once? But I nodded anyway because I understood what he was saying, and I didn’t want to dim the earnest brightness shining in his eyes. I’d manage on my own, tamp down the ache in my chest, swallow back all the love I still had for him, and be his friend instead. It was probably for the best. I was about to start living my dream in LA, right? I should be focused on that.
I pulled him into a hug, and his lips brushed tenderly over mine, catching me off guard before he leaned back a fraction to speak. “One more, yeah? We’re being watched, and we’re not technically broken up yet.”
“One more,” I murmured, trying to sound casual when all I could focus on was searing the lingering warmth of the kiss into my mind, hating that it’d be the last time I ever felt it. With one last impulsive touch of my lips to his, we squeezed each other tight and then let go. At least physically. My heart suggested I was still stubbornly tethered to him. “Text me when you all land, okay?”
“If you’re lucky. Might text you before then if G and Ramsey try to join the mile-high club and get banned from the airline.”
I snorted. “Good luck with that. One of them hardly fits into the bathroom, much less two. But hey, it’d take the spotlight off of you for a while.”
“We’ll see.” He chuckled and picked up his bag. “I’ll see you in a few weeks, yeah?”
I nodded, and that awkward silence lasted a beat before we both moved toward each other again at the same time, our lips meeting in one final, soft kiss that felt more like a goodbye than words would have.
“One more can’t hurt. Or three. Whatever,” Cullen said with an affable shrug when we broke apart, but it did.
I tipped my chin toward the security checkpoint. “You’re gonna be late.”
“Yeah, yeah.” His gaze on me lingered, and then, with another flash of a smile, he turned away.
I watched him go, the casual long-legged stride, broad back, the bird he gave me when he glanced back and caught me watching. I returned fire despite the unsettled ache that had taken root in my gut and radiated outward.
Turn around and walk away, I told myself.
Then I did, just like I’d done years ago.
And it hurt just as bad as it had back then.
25
CULLEN
Jesus, this hurt—somehow, even more than the first time. Maybe it was because before, it had been entwined with anger, and now, I was just thinking about all the things that could have been. That we were on solid ground but still couldn’t make this work. Maybe that was because Houston and I just weren’t meant to be, and I needed to get it through my thick skull. At least I wouldn’t lose him completely this time, but Christ, how long would it take for my heart not to feel like it went through a meat grinder every time I saw him? Or thought about him?
How did I give someone the ability to wreck me so much? I was a goddamned mess.
I swiped at my eyes to make sure nothing was leaking out. Fucking Houston. I was going to kick his ass for making me love him.
I was TSA PreCheck, and even though I was at LAX, it didn’t take me long to get through security. Just as I finished with the attendant, I looked back again, hoping he was there watching me, but he wasn’t.
Slinging my duffle onto my shoulder, I headed for the gate, wishing I’d been flying to meet Charity in Texas instead of going back to Denver. Being around Houston’s family was the last thing I wanted. Going home to his apartment, filled with the sort of memories we longed for in college—and Christ, I was a depressing motherfucker. I needed to snap out of this shit.
As if he had some sort of tracking device on me, Garrett looked up as I approached. He cocked his head slightly, like he hadn’t expected to see me or something. “You could hear me coming or what?”
He smirked. “We had you chipped when you joined the team—you know, in case you caused trouble and I needed to keep an eye on you.”
