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“You’re right,” he said in a harsh tone. “I did come back to you because of the spell. It was to keep Devina and Lash apart because if they joined forces, the Brotherhood and the vampires would surely not survive. I did learn about the Book’s provision about breaking up true love, I knew that you and I were the couple involved, and I pursued you because I wanted to affect an outcome.”
Rahvyn pushed her hood off her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “That is a fine recitation of facts. I am not certain why it bears repeating, especially at this particular moment in time—”
“What you got wrong,” he interjected sharply, “was why I left you in the first place.”
At this, he broke off from her, pacing up and back, his footfalls over the bare stones of the floor louder than even his voice, it seemed. When he stopped again in front of her, she tilted to the side and eyed the length of the corridor, estimating how far it was to the exit—
“That night in the meadow, I knew I was turning myself over to Devina. So she could use me. Use my body.”
Rahvyn blinked. And slowly righted herself.
“I made a bargain with the demon that she could”—he cleared his throat—“that she could do with me what she pleased… if she would leave Balthazar and Erika alone. She’d wanted me. From the beginning. I didn’t want her. I never… wanted her. But she was contaminating Balthazar’s soul and she was going to kill him. When I met you in the field and conjured those flowers, it was right before I left to turn myself over to her, and I said goodbye to you because I knew that, on the other side, I was going to be a different male. I’d saved myself, you see. I’d… saved myself. That was the bad thing that I did for the right reason. It was not going back to you and manipulating you into a relationship.”
As a dawning horror swept through Rahvyn’s marrow, she brought her hands up to her mouth.
“After it was over,” he continued, “I was broken. I was ashamed. I felt dirty… in this body. I couldn’t bear to think of being in your presence, much less touching you. But then again, after you revived me, I was talking to the brothers about the lesser induction in that basement downtown, and how Lash and Devina were together… and I figured it out. That was why she wanted to fuck me. She knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to you in good conscience. The more I thought about it all, I knew there had to have been a spell because it was the only explanation—and it was clear that we had to do everything to keep the demon apart from the Omega’s son. So yeah, I went back to you because of the spell—but it was the only thing that could possibly have gotten me over the way I felt about myself after what the demon put me through. When I was with you, kissing you, making love to you, I put what had been done to me aside so that I could make it good for you. You had been hurt much worse than I had, and I…” He paused and cursed. “When you said you were grateful for what happened to you because it made you stronger, I really get it. I was grateful for the spell. It gave me the strength I needed to shove it all down underneath and keep going, instead of wallowing in that cave on the mountain, a hollow husk because I was ruined for the female I loved.”
There was a stretch of silence. And then she choked back a sob.
“Lassiter,” she said with horror, “why didn’t you tell me?”
He laughed harshly. “Really? You’re asking me that? After everything that had been done to you, you think I was in any kind of hurry to tell you my story? You were carrying enough, and I didn’t want you to worry about me.”
As he got wavy in front of her, she realized she was tearing up, the implications of all that she had accused him of pounding her like blows to her body.
“Anyway, that’s the why of it,” he said baldly. “I know it doesn’t make a difference, but if I’m going to lose the female I love, I’ll be damned if I lose my integrity along with her.”
At that, he spun around and headed for the gate at the far end of the hall.
* * *
In all the TV talk shows he’d ever watched, Lassiter had heard hosts and experts preach the confession-is-good-for-the-soul rhetoric. And during his brief period of self-improvement a little while ago, he’d also listened to the TED Talks. Read the inspirational posts on FB and Insta. Watched the TikToks.
