Page 90 of The Coldest Winter


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I knew she’d hit me with an “I told you so,” and I wasn’t ready to hear that. I wasn’t prepared to hear anything. I was simply terrified about how I’d screwed up my life. Everything I’d been working for over the past few years was about to be wiped away because I decided to fall in love with a man who loved me, too.

As I walked through the halls of the high school, I noticed Milo, and he caught my stare and came rushing toward me.

“What are you doing here? You should be at home, Milo. You shouldn’t be at school dealing with what you’re going through,” I told him.

“I needed to check on you. What’s going on?” he whispered, stepping closer.

“Don’t, Milo,” I softly spoke back.

“You didn’t answer my messages.”

“I can’t do that,” I told him, biting back the tears fighting to fall.

“Star—”

“Don’t,” I whispered-shouted. I locked my eyes with his, and instantly, I felt the tears seconds away from falling down my face. His eyes were packed with concern, with care, with the gentleness that I’d learned to love from him. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. “Don’t call me that, Milo. Please. I can’t talk to you. I have a meeting with your uncle.”

“I can come, too.”

“No. That would just make things worse. I knew what I was doing, and I went into it with my eyes wide open. Now I have to face the music. It’s not your fault or your responsibility to deal with this. I have to face the consequences.”

I rounded the corner into an empty hallway. Milo followed me and glanced around before grabbing my arm and pulling me into the janitor’s closet. The same closet I had pulled him into weeks prior when he was wasted.

“Are you out of your mind?!” I whispered, shoving my hands against his chest. “You can’t do this, Milo.”

“I know, I know, shit!” he shouted, raking his hand through his dark hair. “Fuck. I fucked up, Star. I’m sorry. I just…I can’t stop thinking about you and wondering if you’re okay.” He took a step toward me and shook his head. His hand fell to the side of my cheek, and those eyes I loved locked in on mine. “Are you okay?”

Those three words made the tears begin to fall. I shook my head in disbelief at what was happening. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t okay. I wanted to pull him against me and cry into his shoulder. I wanted him to protect me from the world that was imploding around me. But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t hold him.

I couldn’t touch him.

I couldn’t love him.

What was worse about the whole situation was that I wasn’t the one who truly needed comfort at that moment; it was Milo. He was the one whose world had been set on fire. He was the one who was watching everything fall apart before him. He was the one who needed to be held. To be touched. To be loved.

My body trembled slightly as I stood tall. “I’m going to walk out of here, Milo, and you’ll wait a while to exit after me.”

He grabbed my arm, sending a wave of electricity through my body. “Star, please. Let me hold you for a second.”

I ripped my arm from his touch. “No. No. Don’t you see? This is wrong. It’s been wrong from the beginning, and I allowed it to spiral into this mess. This was a massive mistake, Mi.”

“You think we were a mistake?”

The pain in his voice broke my already shattered heart even more.

“No, of course not. That’s not what I mean.” He was so far from a mistake. He felt like the first thing ever since my mother passed away that felt right. Milo Corti felt like home to me. Yet that still didn’t make it right.

“Do you regret this?” he questioned.

I shook my head and placed a hand against his cheek. “I could never regret you. Even if I tried.” His face tilted slightly, and he kissed the palm of my hand, sending chills through me. I lowered my head. “I have to go meet with the principal.”

“I’ll come with you. We’ll face it as a team.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I can. It’s fine. He’s my uncle. He’ll understand. He’ll—”

“Milo.” I cut in and shook my head. “You can’t fight this battle for me. I have to be a grown-up and accept my fate. I’m sorry. I have to go.” Before he could reply, I slipped out of the closet and hurried away. I didn’t look back out of fear that he’d follow me. Or out of fear I'd crack and rush into his arms. Even though that was all I wanted.

My stomach sat in knots as I stood in Principal Gallo’s office. He instructed me to close the door behind me, and I did as he said. He gestured for me to take a seat, and I did that, too. My body trembled as he sat across from me, his desk being the only barrier that separated us.

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