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I nodded at him. He quickly wrote out a prescription for me. “And I want you to lean on your men, West. I know they’re taking care of Hope a lot right now, but you are still a priority for them. Lean on them. Turn to them. They still love you so much, West, and they want to help you. Let them do that.” I sniffled. He handed me the slip of paper. “Get that filled today, and go ahead and take a dose once you get it. Make sure you take that medication every single day,” he sternly told me. “Do not skip a dose just because you’re feeling okay.”
I nodded. He led me back out front where Lincoln was waiting on me. He stood up from the chair he’d been sitting in as soon as his eyes landed on me, and he wrapped me up in his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead once I reached him. “Hey, baby,” he breathed. “Come on, let’s go home.”
“I need to get this filled,” I told him quietly as I handed him the prescription.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead as he took the prescription paper from me. “Then, we’ll go drop this off at the pharmacy, and go grab an unhealthy, greasy meal while we wait for it to be filled.”
I leaned into his side, so thankful for him and Jessie because if I had to deal with this shit by myself, I wasn’t even sure if I would still be alive.
I probably would have ended my life a long, long time ago if it weren’t for them.
“I love you,” I told him, feeling a sudden, burning need to tell him that.
He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “And I love you.”
“I love Hope, too,” I choked out, tears welling in my eyes.
He squeezed my hip as we walked out of the building together. “We know you do, baby, which is why we’re pushing you to do therapy again. We want you to be happy, and we want you to be able to express all of that love and care you feel for our baby girl.” He stopped by his truck and cupped my face in his hands, brushing his lips over mine. “You’re so strong, darlin’. You’re going to get through this,” he promised me.
“Why do I have to be so fucked up?” I brokenly asked him, searching his face like he held all the answers.
His beautiful features darkened at my words. I swallowed nervously, suddenly wishing I had kept my mouth shut and not spoken my thoughts aloud. “You’re not fucked up, West,” he softly growled. “There’s a chemical imbalance in your brain, but you are not fucked up. You are precious, so absolutely fucking perfect despite the things that make you so different from other people. Jessie and I love every little imperfection that you have, and every single day, we will push you to realize how fucking great you are.”
He brushed his thumbs over my cheeks. “And when you have these low points in your life, baby, we will always be here to grab your hands and pull you out of the darkness. You’re not alone—never will be again.”
I cupped his face in my hands. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” I whispered.
He turned his head to press a kiss to my palm, then the other, before he focused those stunning blue eyes on me again. “You are worthy of all of the love in the world, West.”
My bottom lip trembled. “Do you think Hope will love me?” I asked him.
“She will both love and look up to you.” I sniffled. “You’re going to be her role model growing up, and I know every day as she’s growing up, she’ll aim to be as strong as her mother.”
I hugged him tightly. He folded his arms around me. “Always so fucking strong, baby,” he whispered in my ear.
37
West
Jessie wrapped his strong arms around me as we lay in bed later that night. Lincoln was rocking Hope to sleep in her nursery, giving me and Jessie some time together.
“Tell me about your visit with Dr. Gresham,” Jessie said softly. Since we’d gotten back, he and Lincoln had been swapping with Hope a lot and making dinner. It hadn’t given him and I much of a chance to talk.
I swallowed thickly. “My medication has been changed. I’m on sertraline now. He’s diagnosed me with postpartum depression.” I was sure it was all things Lincoln had already told him, but I knew Jessie wanted me to open up to him, too.
“That doesn’t make you a bad mom, West,” Jessie told me softly, somehow reading my mind. Tears burned at the back of my eyes. He knew me so well—knew instantly what was going on in my mind. “You love her, and you’re trying, even though it’s hard as fuck for you.”
