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Staying here feels right and wrong at the same time. I want to pull away, but I want to stay close. What is wrong with me? I’ve only known this guy for about a month. Never have I had such a quick, exciting attraction to anyone.
Maybe that’s why this is such a weird experience. Spencer and I were thrust together by the paparazzi photos that started this whole fake relationship.
And now I’ve slept with my fake boyfriend twice.
“We should talk,” I say quietly. Spencer’s breathing is steady, but he’s not asleep.
“Yeah, I guess we should. That was amazing.”
I slip away from him and put my dress back on much quicker than it came off.
“Is everything okay?”
“We shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake the first time and an extra mistake the second time. This is supposed to be a fun, easy, fake relationship. We shouldn’t be complicating it with sex.”
“That didn’t feel complicated to me.”
“It did to me, Spencer. Come on. We can’t lie to ourselves. We’re from different worlds. And while this has been fun, I don’t want to get in too deep. It’s better if we end it now before we do something crazy.”
The last part isn’t an option. We’ve already slept together, and I’d say that’s pretty crazy. I’m not sure what I was thinking. My lust took over, and that never happens. Los Angeles has changed me. Maybe it’s time I head back home to my normal, safe life where pictures of me don’t end up in magazines, and I don’t get to go to movie premiers with the star of the show.
“Maybe we should talk about this,” Spencer says. He pulls on his dress pants but keeps his shirt in a crumpled pile on the floor.
I cross my arms over my chest, trying not to look like I’m being combative but also trying to protect myself from the pain this will cause.
“I think I should just go. I’m confused, and this is all a lot for me to handle …”
“Please, Leila. I know we didn’t mean any of this to happen, but you have to admit it has been fun.”
I laugh. “It has, but that’s the scariest part. What happens when it stops being fun? I’d rather not get to that point. It would be easier to end it now before we get too far.”
“We’re already too far,” he pleads.
“That’s true. I just don’t know, Spencer. All of this … it’s not what I expected. Cameras follow me now, and my friends from back home keep sending me my face in the magazines they read at the grocery store checkout. I guess a part of me knew that was possible, but still. It’s crazy. I’m not used to it.”
“I didn’t realize it was bothering you.”
I bite my lip. “I didn’t either, until now. I don’t like the spotlight; I’d rather coast by without anyone knowing my name.”
“I’m sorry, Leila, but it’s too late for that. It’ll die down when we’re no longer tied together, but you’ll still pop up whenever I’m out with a new girl or when it’s a slow news day and they’re wondering what happened to my exes.”
The idea of him with another girl stings, but it further proves my point. Spencer isn’t looking for anything long-term with me. Maybe he’d be interested past our two-month deadline, but once he gets bored with me, he’d move on. I can’t let that happen. It would hurt far worse than this does.
“Please, Leila,” Spencer says again. “I don’t want to lose our friendship. If you want to stop this part of it, I fully understand and support it, but why can’t we keep up the fake relationship? We could keep going out and having fun. We’re good at that part.”
The voice in my head says we’re good at the sex part, too, as made evident less than thirty minutes ago.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll try to help with the cameras. I can pay some of them off to leave you alone.”
“No, I wouldn’t want you to do that. It hasn’t been that bad. I just don’t like getting the tabloid updates from my friends. It’s like they know more about my life than I do.”
“They don’t. That stuff isn’t real.”
“I could just tell them to stop sending me the pictures.”
“Good, good. Does that mean you’ll do it? We’ll stay together?”
“Only for the month, like we agreed. One more month of this, and then I have to be done. It’s what both of us need.”
Spencer frowns, but he nods. “Okay, yes, I can do that. I’ll take a month if it means not losing your friendship.”
I yawn again. “I really should be getting home.”
“Didn’t Malia take Shiloh out for his last walk this evening?”
“Well, yeah, but …”
“Then just stay for a bit. We’ll watch a movie.”
I’m hopeless. I don’t really want to leave, even though this evening has been emotionally exhausting for me. The idea of sitting on a couch with Spencer is too enticing.
