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I cleared my throat. “We are . . . leaving soon.” The words said aloud steeled my resolve. “Heading to Louisiana. But you can stay here for as long as you like.”
“¿En serio?” His troubled look lifted. “I could write about all the incredible things Dominija acquired over his lifetimes!” A history scholar like Sol had just scored the jackpot. “I can also preserve the paintings and books for when the power eventually goes out.”
Aric would’ve liked that. “Yes, please safeguard everything as best as you can. When Tee is old enough, you can teach him some of the history.” Aside from a few personal belongings, I would leave everything else behind, couldn’t bear to see most of it. Yet then a thought arose. “But I ask one thing. Leave Aric’s room as it is. I’ll lock the door, and I don’t want it disturbed.” I might not make it off life support.
“Of course, pequeña,” he said softly. “Can I do anything for you?”
I patted his shoulder. “Get started.”
Excitement made his skin glow. I relished the hit of sun. “This is such a relief. So much to do. Thank you again!” He hurried off, his bearing completely changed.
Jack eyed me. “You sure?”
Not at all. “Yes,” I said, though I gave myself a fifty-fifty chance of making it.
47
The Empress
Day 33 N.D.
The day we were supposed to leave had dawned bright and clear.
Jack slid behind the wheel of our truck, I had shotgun, and Tee looked excited in the child seat Aric had once installed for his son. Taka dozed in her cage beside him. Titan and a mare followed in a hitched trailer.
Jack and I had taken a couple of weeks to sort out everything we would need. After all, we were cutting ourselves off life support, in more ways than one.
Some things were critical gear: Fuel, formula, preserved meat, solar panels for Haven. A ham radio to communicate with Jack’s Potentials allies. All the chronicles.
Some things felt like they were: Printed pictures from our phones and keepsakes for Tee. The ballet slippers Aric had given me. His armor, swords, and scythe.
I had his ashes in my bug-out bag.
“Ready?” Jack’s gaze was searching.
I took a fortifying breath. “Now or never.”
He turned to Tee. “Ready, little podna?”
Gurgle. Bounce.
“Exactement!” Jack put the truck in gear.
We were actually leaving, easing past the property’s huge gate. I was determined not to look back at the castle of lost time. It’d had me under a spell for so long.
But Tee craned his head to keep it in sight, seeming confused. He looked as if he expected his father to ride out after us. To come get us.
I no longer did, and it was killing me. When we reached the base of the mountain, I murmured, “Wait . . .”
Jack paused on the winding drive.
Locket in hand, I looked back. Mistake.
Without the castle’s spell, memory associations became sharp knives. My panicked gaze darted from one sight to the next.
The arena where Aric had taken Tee into the saddle as I’d snapped photos.
The side of the castle where I’d once washed Cyclops to capture Death’s attention.
The training yard where he’d rewarded my Empress efforts with kisses.
Those Gothic windows in the study. How many times had I walked the property and seen him through those windows, staring down at me with longing?
Yet Aric wasn’t standing beside them now.
He was dead. I might see him again in another lifetime. I might not. But never again in this one.
The tears I’d held back for so long burst from me. I had to battle the urge to run back up to the home I’d made with him and take in his scent.
Jack jammed the truck in park, leapt out, and hurried to my side. He opened the door and laid his warm palms on my shoulders. “We doan have to go,” he said softly. “We can stay for as long as you like.”
Leaving meant living on without Aric. It meant enduring and accepting loss. There was no time travel to right this wrong. No deus ex machina. No easy fixes.
Just . . . enduring.
“A-Aric was right—if I stay, I’ll never move on.” I sobbed. “H-he wanted me to move o-on.”
Jack took me in his arms. “You will see him again.” He for one was certain I’d reunite with Aric in the future.
Against Jack’s chest, I cried, “T-tell me it’ll be better at Haven. Tell me I’ll do better.”
He drew back to face me. “It’ll be different. It’ll be a new start. But we can always come back here if you want to.”
“Right.” Just as I’d known I would never see Lark again, I knew I would never return to this place as long as I lived. “Jack”—my voice dropped to a whisper—“I don’t think I can heal from this. I don’t think that I can be what you and Tee need.” I gazed up at Jack, feeling broken.
