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“Oh, honey, that’s not your fault. It could’ve happened anywhere.”
“Yeah, I know.” Even Ellis’s mom had apologized to me again during another phone call with him on the way to practice. “Anyway, I better let you go.”
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
Mom and I had definitely grown closer since the divorce. Annabeth and I too. But despite knowing they’d be supportive, this was a topic I wasn’t sure I could broach with either of them, not when it was still so confusing for me.
“Yeah, of course.” God, I was acting like Ellis and I had been through a breakup or something. I needed to cut it out before she got the wrong idea. “I’m just tired. Gonna hit the hay.”
“Okay, send my love to Ellis.”
“I will.” I forced a smile. “He’s actually on a date. A girl he met at a show.”
Why I decided she needed to know that right then was hard to unpack. Maybe to distract her from her previous line of thought. Not that I knew what the hell she was thinking to begin with. Talk about making assumptions.
“How lovely. Hope it works out.”
“Me too,” I muttered, not feeling hopeful at all.
After we ended the call, I was restless as hell, clicking around social media, wondering what Ellis and Shana were doing and how well the date was going. Would they kiss or hook up tonight? My stomach twisted just thinking about it.
I was going to have to pull it together and get used to the idea of Ellis meeting women because I sure as hell was perfectly fine with it before. Even encouraged it. Just because we’d had a couple of intimate moments and jerked off next to each other didn’t mean a damned thing. It just meant we were two healthy straight guys who got a little too caught up in something. Something that obviously scared us both.
Though more and more, I was beginning to think I wasn’t so straight after all. I scrutinized other men to determine whether I found them attractive, but other guys just didn’t do it for me, not the way Ellis did. I imagined kissing another guy, and it wasn’t the same as picturing my mouth anywhere near Ellis’s skin.
Picking up the remote, I clicked around the channels, finally settling on Heartthrob again. I rewatched the scene with the two guys to see if it’d been a fluke, and after a few solid minutes of my eyes glued to the screen, I realized it definitely wasn’t. I got hard all over again, and I paused and rewound certain segments because it was so fucking hot.
I shut my eyes and relived watching Ellis jacking off in my room again, his hand stroking his cock, his eyes firmly on me. I nearly came in my pants. Instead, I took a shower and jerked off under a spray of water that washed my come down the drain but did nothing to temper the fire in my belly.
Christ. I was definitely losing it.
And definitely not straight.
12
Ellis
I was nervous the entire way to meet Shana. The movie at the Cinemark Theater was her idea, and I certainly wasn’t going to argue because it gave both of us the option to part ways afterward if things went south. We made awkward conversation as we ordered popcorn and sodas, and soon enough, we were settled in our seats with plenty of time before the previews started. By then, the tension had subsided, and I was beginning to enjoy myself. She was nice and interesting, and we laughed a bit as she described some wacky situations she’d experienced as a customer-service rep.
By the time the movie started, I breathed a sigh of relief because I’d definitely been feeling off my game. Not that I didn’t know how to interact on a date, and if it hadn’t been for this whole confusing scenario with Nolan, I might’ve been more into it.
The movie was enjoyable, and afterward, as we lingered in the parking lot, chatting away about the plot and actors, I got an inkling she didn’t want the night to end, and maybe I didn’t either. The date had gone better than expected as soon as my nerves settled. And if nothing else, maybe it could be the beginning of a friendship.
“You live pretty close, right?” Shana bit her lip shyly and looked away.
“I do.” My place was only five minutes from the theater. “Do you want to…? I, uh, could pour us some wine or coffee.”
“Wine sounds perfect.” Her eyes lit up. “I’ll follow you there.”
My excitement dimmed the closer we got to my apartment as I imagined running into Nolan, which was probably unlikely. My legs felt wooden as I led her into the building, though I’d had women over before.
Christ, why was this so awkward? I needed to pull it together.
