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“Then we know for sure,” Anthony replied. “Totally up to you guys. You’ve known him longest.”
The problem was we hadn’t felt like we knew him at all these last few weeks. His overreaction had been strange and concerning. Maybe it did have to do with jealousy, or maybe he’d needed to see what he lost when he walked away, not only from his band but his friends.
“What if we see how we feel as a trio onstage,” I suggested. “And maybe invite Kurt to sit in on a couple of numbers with us, as long as he knows it’s on a temporary basis.”
Ellis looked at Anthony, who nodded. “I like that idea.”
It was only the three of us at the Thirst Lounge the following Thursday, and it felt fucking weird without Perry. I was actually glad the bar wasn’t crowded tonight—this was always the case after the holidays—because we were a bit rusty. When Kurt showed up to sit in with us for the second set, that was cool. Our music felt richer with the added keyboard, like it always did, but it still didn’t feel the same and might not for a long time.
It was during the last song that I noticed Perry way in the back of the dimmed room, just standing there, propping up the wall and listening. He looked hesitant and miserable, as if he didn’t know if he’d be welcome, and my heart clenched briefly. But I still didn’t know if we should take him back, not after how he’d made us feel. Damn, I sounded like a scorned lover. But when it came to bandmates, that was sort of how it was.
By the end of the final chord, he’d quietly slipped out the door, and we talked about his presence—and absence—all the way back to the practice spot.
“Maybe he wanted to see how we sounded without him too,” Ellis said.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Anthony smirked. “I’d be curious as well.”
As we keyed into the door with our first load, we found Perry there, plunking away on the keys by himself, a melancholy expression on his face.
“Hey, Perry. What’s up?”
“I was just…gonna pack up my stuff. Kurt sounded good up there with you, and I get why you’d want him to join the band.” His voice was soft and shaky. “He probably wouldn’t drive you crazy with all his suggestions.”
“Perry, we—” Ellis began.
“No, it’s okay.” He stood. “I don’t need to hear your reasons. I get how much of a mess I made of things.”
Nobody moved as we watched him unplug the keyboard and wind the cord. I felt a turmoil of emotions, and given the silence from Ellis and Anthony, they didn’t know what to make of this either.
“Oh, before I forget…” Perry squatted down and dug around in his bag, pulling out what looked like postcards. He walked over to Ellis and handed him the stack. “I had these made. They have a QR code on the back with a link to our platform, and I’ve been dropping them off at different businesses around town. Just trying to spread the word about the band.”
I glanced over Ellis’s shoulder to look more closely. Our logo was prominent, along with a mention of our weekly gig at the Thirst Lounge. And, unless I was seeing things, he’d added a sticker in the corner of each card. What in the world…?
“What’s with the rainbow thingy?” I scoffed. “I thought you didn’t want us to be a novelty act.”
He blew out a breath. “I’ve been reading up on the LGBTQ community and educating myself. I figured it’s the least I could do. And so, um, you obviously already know this—that the rainbow can represent a safe space for people to gather. So I thought it was a good idea to include it, given how well-received the encore song was that night…when I walked off like an asshole.”
Anthony and Ellis looked as thunderstruck as me.
“So anyway…I’m gonna load my stuff.” He picked up the cords and the mic stand and headed for the door.
“Wait.” My voice rang out, startling all of us. Perry froze mid-step, then turned to face me. I said, “It’s awesome that you read stuff online and decided to include that rainbow.”
“Agree,” Ellis said. “Totally cool.”
I stepped toward Perry. “And yeah, we—I—definitely felt hurt and wasn’t sure I could trust you again. It doesn’t feel good when someone you considered a close friend doesn’t support you.”
Perry frowned. “I’m truly sorry. I know I can never make it up to you—”
“I accept your apology,” I blurted out, and Perry’s lips parted in surprise.
Ellis grinned at me, and Anthony seemed relieved, so I guessed that meant the band was getting back together. We had felt so adrift, and Perry had opened his heart to us. But actions spoke louder than words, so we’d see. Still, I had a feeling the New Year was off to a good start.
