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“I have a couple of phone calls to make,” Ryan tells us. “I’ll see you back at the house later.”
Kieran and I both nod, but before we split up, a voice from behind stops me cold.
“Madden?”
Kieran glances over his shoulder with a curious expression, but I don’t have to look to know who it is. My first thought is how the hell she found me, and the second is whether I can outrun her in my current condition. Because I sure as shit don’t want her to see me like this.
Bianca doesn’t give me a choice. She walks around us to confront me head-on, her eyes settling over my face with so much relief it makes my chest uncomfortably tight. There’s a long, awkward pause while we just stand there, staring at each other. Close enough to touch, but somehow still a million miles apart.
“This is Bianca,” I tell the guys in a gruff voice. “Bianca, this is Kieran and Ryan.”
They greet her, but she doesn’t break my gaze. She’s blinking rapidly, trying to dispel her tears before they fall. She’s about two seconds away from losing it when Kieran clears his throat.
“We’ll catch you later,” he tells me, sensing the need for privacy.
I nod at them, and they leave me alone with Bianca. We stare at each other for another few seconds, and I’m not sure what to say. But I guess I don’t need to say anything because she barrels toward me a moment later and flings her arms around my waist. I grunt, and she hugs me past the point of pain, but I don’t stop her.
“Madden.” She releases a broken sob. “I can’t believe you’re really here…”
Her words trail off as she cries, and the people milling around us toss a few curious glances our way. I can only imagine how we must look. Me standing there, arms limp at my sides, as she weeps against me. Bianca seems to realize my discomfort as she peeks up at me, wiping her eyes.
“Is there somewhere we can go to talk?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
She releases me, keeping close to my side as we walk. I don’t like using the cane in front of her, but there’s not a lot I can fucking do about it. I’m able to walk without it, but not for long distances. Bianca doesn’t make a big deal about it, but I do catch her glancing at me periodically as I lead her to the house. It only gets worse when I remove the key from my pocket and fumble to jam it in the lock. If Bianca notices, she doesn’t say so, and I’m relieved when I finally let her inside.
She glances around the shared living space briefly, noting the size.
“Are those guys your roommates?”
I nod.
She looks down the hall and then at me. “Where’s your room?”
I hesitate to answer. She wants to talk privately, and in all likelihood, Kieran’s in his room, but Ryan will be back shortly. He’ll want to watch some TV out here, so having this conversation in my room makes sense. But I’m also not thinking straight right now with the amount of medications I’ve been downing.
I gesture for her, and she follows me down the hall. Kieran and I share the first floor, with his bedroom on the opposite side of the house, while Ryan is upstairs. When I walk into my room, Bianca closes the door behind us, sealing us into the small space together.
Silence looms between us, and I find my gaze moving over her, cataloging every detail of the girl who once had my heart. Maybe she still would if I knew how to feel anything. But right now, I don’t know what to feel. She’s near enough that I can smell her, and that scent is the closest thing to home I’ve ever known. But I can’t say it. I can’t say anything.
“Hi.” She manages to get that much out before she starts crying again. “Can I give you another hug?”
“Okay,” I answer numbly.
She wraps her arms around me and sobs into my chest, and I let her. It goes on for a long time before she composes herself enough to look at me again. When she reaches up to touch my face, I stiffen, and her fingers hover in question as emotion chokes the light from her eyes.
“Madden?”
I swallow, forcing myself to relax, and Bianca tries again. Her touch is gentle when she cradles my face between her palms, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult. It’s a foreign feeling after so long to experience another human this way. I’m still trying to get used to being back in a world where I’m not always on edge, expecting the worst at every turn.
“I would have come to you earlier if I’d known,” she croaks. “I would have come to you in Germany. Why didn’t you let your mom tell me?”
