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After a couple of hours of dissecting the tangled mess of thoughts in my head, I sit up and reach for the notepad and pen on the nightstand. I flip the words onto paper, scribbling them out, only to rewrite them over and over until it feels right.
Somewhere outside, a siren sounds in the distance. A car alarm goes off, then stops. A dog barks. The constant supply of adrenaline drip feeds my veins as I stand and get myself dressed. At the door, I glance back at Bianca as I open it. She’s sound asleep when I leave to investigate. I clear the hallway and living room before I step out into the front yard. A car door slams down the street, and I crouch behind the bushes, anticipating an explosion that never comes.
The scenery blends and distorts as I edge my way down the sidewalk. Instead of neutral exteriors, I see dust-covered mud houses. Where the asphalt should be, there’s sand. And instead of a city street, a long road dotted with IEDs stretches ahead. My palms sweat as I hobble across the landscape, trying to decipher what’s real and what’s recall. The blast of a car horn jolts my senses and instinct has me dropping and rolling for cover. I don’t realize what I’m up against until the tire tread comes into focus and shatters the memory.
It’s a van. A tangible object that slowly pulls me back to the present. My mind plays tricks on me as my vision wavers between a familiar village and asphalt beneath a sea of tires. I drag myself up onto my knees, cursing this fucking nightmare that won’t end.
When I stagger to my feet, a noise behind me startles me all over again, and I turn, bracing for an onslaught of fire.
“Madden?” Bianca stares back at me with wide eyes. “What are you doing out here?”
A tremor moves through me as I close my eyes, reality hitting me like a punch to the chest. I don’t want her to see me like this.
“It’s late.” Her voice draws nearer as she takes my hand in hers. “Let’s go inside, okay?”
I nod, too numb to argue as she leads me back to the house. Before we make it to my room, we cross paths with Kieran, who looks like he hasn’t slept at all, either.
“You okay?” he asks.
I jerk my chin. “You?”
“Yeah.”
We don’t say anything else. He knows as well as I do why we’re both up in the middle of the night. His eyes drift to Bianca, and he nods at her.
We part ways, and she walks me back to my room and seals us inside. When I take a look at her, I feel like I’m going to puke. She’s barefoot, her small frame swallowed by my tee shirt that comes to her mid-thigh. She’s beautiful and fragile and good and everything I don’t deserve. And I can’t stop asking myself why. Why is she here?
“You need to go,” I tell her.
“No.”
“Yes,” I growl. “Fucking go. I don’t want you here.”
She crosses her arms, matching my glare with one of her own. “Anything else you’d like to say?”
“I don’t fucking want you,” I snarl. “Just take your shit and leave.”
“Do you think I’m stupid?” She tilts her chin up defiantly. “Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing?”
“The fact that you’re still here is answer enough,” I bite out.
“Stop.” She grabs my face and forces me to meet her eyes. “Pushing me away won’t work. It doesn’t matter how many fights you pick. I’m not leaving, and that’s all there is to it.”
I stare back at her, empty. Too tired to fight. Bianca recognizes my weakness and pulls back the bedcovers, gesturing for me. When I don’t move, she cocks her head to the side and sighs.
“Come here, Madden. Or I’ll drag you over myself.”
I walk to the bed on stiff legs and sit down, grimacing at the escalating pain in my back. I was out there rolling around like I’m still in a war zone, and I’m going to pay for it now. Bianca doesn’t miss it, and she checks the label on the bottle of muscle relaxers on the nightstand before popping the cap.
“It’s time for another one.” She opens my water bottle and hands it to me.
I swallow the pill she gives me and set the bottle aside as she steps closer, skimming her fingers beneath the hem of my shirt. She pulls it up over my head, and when she’s finished with that, she lowers herself to her knees and unzips my jeans, helping me out of those too.
Her palm grazes the bulge in my briefs, and I watch her with dark, hungry eyes. I don’t deserve her softness right now, but she offers it to me anyway. She takes my cock out and glides it between her lips. Silky strands of her hair slide through my fingers as I cup her head, groaning as she gives me what I didn’t know I needed.
