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“I’m so sorry,” she blurts between broken sobs, falling to her knees before me, her hands clutching at mine. “He showed up unexpectedly. I had no idea he was coming. I couldn’t text you—”
I stand and leave her on the floor, demeaning herself to beg for my forgiveness. I don’t recognize this girl and can’t even look at her right now without feeling sick.
“What are you doing here with me, Bianca?”
Her only response is to cry harder. And I can’t wrap my fucking head around it. Why is this so goddamn complicated for her?
“You can’t have us both,” I tell her.
“I know,” she whispers. “But you have one hundred percent of my heart.”
“And zero percent of you,” I bite out. “I can’t do this anymore. This shit is over.”
“No!” She crawls forward and wraps her hands around my leg, crying so hard it fucking guts me. “You can’t take this away from me. I love you, Madden. I love you more than anything.”
“I’m going to tell Adam.” I force the words up my raw throat. “He deserves to know the truth. And what you two decide to do after that is up to you.”
Her fingers fall away from me as her body caves inward, and there are so many questions in my mind when she glances up at me with shadowed eyes. Why does she look sick again when she was fine just two days ago? Why does she look so fucking weak when that isn’t the girl I know?
“If you tell him, I’ll never get to see you again.” She dips her head, hiding her face behind a curtain of hair.
“I need you to go, Bianca,” I clip out. “I need you to leave, and I need you to stay gone.”
“Please don’t do this,” she begs, still refusing to meet my eyes. “Please, Madden.”
“It’s over.” I take out my wallet and grab some cash, tossing it onto the floor beside her. “Leave my pistol, get yourself a cab, and go.”
Before she can respond, I head for the bathroom, locking myself inside while I try not to fucking lose it. I sink against the door, throat tight, head throbbing, and that same urge to puke eating at my gut. None of this feels right. Nothing about it feels good. But I know what Kieran said is true. We have no future, and I’m only drawing out the pain by holding on.
Minutes pass, and I still haven’t heard her go. But eventually, her broken voice calls out from the other side of the door.
“I’m not leaving the gun,” she tells me. “I’ll keep it safe for you until I know you’re okay.”
I can’t be fucked arguing over it. She must know it’s not a guarantee. I have other weapons hidden beneath the bed. And even if I didn’t, I could end it a thousand other fucking ways. But this is the last card she has, and I won’t take that from her.
“I love you, Madden,” she says. “I would do anything for you. I would give my life for you.”
And then she’s gone.
Chapter 59
Lyric
My heart beats erratically as Madden navigates us out of the compound and onto the highway. It feels strange and surreal to be leaving after so long, and as I stare at the passing scenery, I have a moment to question what I’m doing. This morning I made a fool of myself by asking him to run away, only for him to reject the idea. And even with that ache still lingering, the thought of escaping hasn’t entered my mind.
When I glance at Madden, absorbing the warmth of his presence, I know I can’t do that to him. As crazy as it might be, he’s where I feel at home. I don’t know how we’ll make it work with everything hanging over our heads. I just know that we have to because I can’t imagine an existence without him anymore.
As he drives, though, it occurs to me that he may not feel the same. The farther we get from the compound, the more I notice the discomfort creeping into his body. He doesn’t talk, and neither do I. The truck feels like a tomb, and an uneasy thought poisons my mind. He gave me his assurances back at the house, but was it the truth? Could he be driving me to the police station to turn me over himself?
I shake off the idea as I check the road signs and realize we’re heading toward Henderson. It wouldn’t make any sense for him to take me there when he could just go to Vegas. But regardless, I can’t help the sinking feeling of dread in my stomach as we pull into a development, and he slows. It’s a nice suburb with cute houses and beautiful landscaping. Children are playing in the street on their bikes, and a group of women are power walking. I shouldn’t feel threatened by any of it, but I do, and I can’t figure out why.
