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“How old is she?” I nod at Zoe.
“Six going on thirty,” Jackie answers, her features softening.
“Grandma! I’m not that old.” Zoe laughs and shakes her head.
Jackie chuckles too, and Madden returns a moment later with a tray of water and Zoe’s cookies. He distributes the drinks and leaves the cookies on the coffee table before his attention turns to Zoe.
“You ready to paint this mural?”
“Yes!” Zoe bounces up on her heels. “I’ve been practicing my unicorns!”
“You okay here?” Madden asks me. “Or do you want to help?”
I hesitate to answer because I don’t know the first thing about painting a mural, and I also don’t want to intrude on their time together.
“You go ahead,” I say. “I’ll watch.”
He nods and leaves us on the patio while he and Zoe haul the box of paint supplies to the playhouse. It’s a white structure to match the house, and it’s got everything from a welcome mat to planter boxes on the front porch.
“He made that for her.” Jackie rocks back in her chair, opening the tin Madden gave her to remove a joint.
She lights up and leans her head back against the cushion, releasing a long exhale. When she glances at me again, her lip tilts up at the corner.
“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen an old woman smoke God’s medicine?”
“I didn’t mean to stare,” I apologize. “It just surprised me.”
“Life is full of surprises,” she says. “And not all of them are good. But at least there’s a silver lining. I can smoke as much dope as I want because the cancer’s gonna kill me anyway, and nobody’s gonna give me crap about it.”
I try to swallow, but my throat stops working as a hard realization smacks me in the face.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I didn’t know.”
“I’m not telling you because I want you to be sorry.”
Her eyes move over my face, and I know I won’t like where this conversation is headed, but I can tell Jackie isn’t the sort of woman to skirt around anything.
“I know who you are,” she says. “He told me he’d found you. I have to admit, it was hard to believe until I saw you for myself.”
Her words sting, if for no other reason than I feel betrayed that Madden would do that without telling me. Jackie doesn’t miss the emotion on my face, and she doesn’t try to hide it either.
“We don’t have any secrets between us.” She takes another puff of her joint. “Blood or not, we’re family.”
My gaze drifts back to the playhouse, where Madden and Zoe are painting one of the exterior walls. I can’t tell what they’re designing yet, but they seem to be perfectly in sync with each other. Every once in a while, Zoe will stop and ask for his thoughts, and I can see how much his approval means to her. She loves him, and he loves her, and that simple understanding has imploded everything I thought I knew.
“He’s not her father,” Jackie says. “But he’s the only father she’s ever known. That man is her whole world.”
“I had no idea,” I admit quietly. “He didn’t tell me anything until today.”
“For good reason,” Jackie replies. “He has a lot to lose, and so does she. I’m not going to be around for much longer. My time is coming, and Madden will take over her care.”
I had a feeling that was what she was going to tell me, but it doesn’t make it any easier to digest. I understand now what he meant about his responsibilities. The promise he made to Zoe’s father. A promise that can’t and shouldn’t be broken. He has a little girl who needs him, and the uncertainty over his future has to be killing him inside. He’s kept me sheltered and protected me in the face of everyone else’s advice. It’s a bittersweet revelation because I know without a doubt that he cares. The stakes are too high to play such a dangerous game if he didn’t. But it doesn’t matter how he feels. Not now that I know the truth.
“I’ve heard a lot about you over the years.” Jackie stubs out her joint and leaves it in the ashtray on the table beside her. “I know things have been complicated for the two of you, but this situation is simple. I don’t know what happened to you or how things ended up the way they are. All I know is that little girl needs him, and I can’t die until I know he’s not going to wind up in prison for something he didn’t do.”
“I understand.” The words are barely audible from my lips.
“Do you?”
She studies me, and I force the emotion welling up inside me back down where it belongs. I know she’s right. I’m an adult. Madden is an adult. But caught in the crossfire is an innocent little girl who will have nobody if she doesn’t have him.
