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The pain in my chest feels crippling, but it’s rivaled by the feelings I’m only just starting to make sense of. The realization of how much I need Zoe to be okay. How looking after her well-being doesn’t just feel right; it feels necessary. It’s strange to admit because I didn’t know how this scenario would play out, but there’s a spark of determination in me I haven’t felt since I came back home. And at this moment, I get it. I understand why Wyatt needed this reassurance from me.
When I look at her, I make her a silent promise that whatever may come, I’ll always do what I can to take care of her. It’s the one thing I can’t fail at, no matter what.
I hold her for the next ten minutes until she decides she wants down. When I get the okay to set her on the floor, she crawls toward the toy box stashed in the corner of the room.
“She’s a handful,” Jackie laughs. “She keeps me on my toes. I had Wyatt later on in life, and I thought he was going to be the death of me. Sometimes, I don’t know how I’m going to do it all over again. But by God, I love her.”
I force a stiff nod, remembering how Wyatt mentioned Jackie was turning sixty-five this year. And now, here she is, raising a baby. The thought crushes me all over again because I know Wyatt didn’t ever want to put this on her permanently. He wanted to be the one to take care of Zoe, but he isn’t here to do that now.
“I want to help any way I can,” I say. “So please let me know when you need something.”
“You can help by keeping in touch,” she tells me. “Call to check in on us once a week. And come visit when you’re in the neighborhood every now and again. Give us something to look forward to.”
“I can do that.” I offer her a rusty smile.
“You better.” Warmth fills her voice. “I’m going to hold you to it.”
Chapter 69
Madden
“What the fuck is he doing in there?” I glare at the closed hospital door.
Detective Oliver made a special trip from Texas as soon as he reviewed the files Lucian sent him from Adam’s hard drive. He wanted to see Bianca for himself when he heard the news, but he’s been in there with her for over an hour, and I’m losing my goddamn patience.
“I know this is hard for you,” Gypsy says softly. “I can’t imagine what you must feel like right now. But you can trust that Lucian’s looking out for her, whatever conversation is taking place in there.”
I do want to trust that, and I know Lucian wouldn’t allow Detective Oliver to harass Bianca, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that it’s not me in there beside her.
“You have to know she’s not pushing you away to hurt you,” Birdie adds.
When I face her, I still can’t help feeling betrayed. It doesn’t matter how many times she explained Bianca’s reasoning. It doesn’t matter that I know Bianca would have made that call because she felt it was what she needed to do. All that matters is that she got hurt, and now she’s lost her memory all over again, and I can’t help but place some of that blame on Birdie. I depended on her to look out for her, and apparently, that trust was misplaced.
“I’m sorry, Kodiak,” she whispers, reading the emotions on my face. “I will tell you every day until you accept it. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“It wasn’t her idea,” Gypsy interjects. “None of this was. I was the one who suggested it to Bianca the first time I saw her at your place. She had my number, and she thought about it for a long time before she came to a decision. When she learned about Zoe, she knew she needed to do this. She wasn’t trying to escape. She wasn’t leaving you. She was doing what she thought was right. So if you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me.”
“I just can’t believe this is fucking happening.” I turn away, repressing the urge to punch the wall.
I was supposed to keep her safe. And by not telling the girls that Bianca was at risk of losing her memory again, I know the only person to blame in this situation is me. I’ve screwed up at every turn with Bianca. And just when I thought I’d finally have a chance to make it right, she wants nothing to do with me because she can’t remember who the fuck I am.
The doctors can’t make any guarantees. They don’t know if or when her memory will return. They say she needs therapy, rest, and a routine. But she’s already made it clear she doesn’t want those things with me. She can barely look at me. I don’t know what’s going to happen when they release her, but I know I’m not letting her leave, even if I have to kidnap her ass again.
