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She smiles at me and stubs out her cigarette. “I’m just telling it like it is. I say what I think, and I don’t apologize for it. I guess I have a tendency to piss people off.”
“Could have fooled me.” I rise to my feet and wipe my face with a towel.
I don’t miss the way her eyes move over my body without shame. She hasn’t made it a secret that she’s got some kind of bizarre fixation with me. Kieran, Ryan, and Colt have all voiced their opinions on it when she’s not around. And because I’m a man with a pair of functioning eyes, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed the way she shows off her body. There’s something so completely different about her, in contrast to Bianca. She’s less sweet, more rock and roll. Exactly the kind of woman I always pictured myself with when I was younger. But that was before I met Bianca. And as fucked as it is, nobody can ever compete with her.
“Are you still mad because I pissed off your girlfriend?” Lilith smirks, dragging her hair back into a ponytail.
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Could have fooled me.” She throws my words back at me.
I’m not really sure what we’re doing here, but I know we need to finish hammering out this song, so I sit down on the lounger across from her.
“Is that who all your songs are about?” she asks.
I shrug noncommittally, but I get the impression Lilith doesn’t ask questions she doesn’t already know the answer to.
“She must have really done a number on you,” she observes. “Those lyrics are pretty brutal.”
I stare at the concrete as I consider how Bianca will react when she does hear them. So far, she’s only had access to a few of our songs but none of the most recent material. There will be no way to hide the fact they’re about her when she hears them, and I feel a pang of regret for writing them in the first place. It was just what was in my head at the time, and the guys loved them. I wasn’t thinking about her feelings when I was too deep in my own. I really wasn’t thinking about the entire world listening to them.
“I have it on good authority you can’t be a rock legend until you’ve had your heart broken once or twice,” Lilith says.
“So I’ve heard,” I mutter.
“Can I ask you a question, though?” She studies me. “If she’s not your girlfriend, why do you talk to her every night?”
“It’s complicated.” I massage the tension from the back of my neck. “We have a long history.”
“But it should be simple, right?” she challenges. “If you both wanted to be together, you would. People like to complicate the hell out of everything, but relationships should be easy. No bullshit. If you want to be with each other, then do it. And if you don’t, quit punishing yourself.”
“Yeah,” I reply quietly. “I’m not going to argue that point.”
“People get caught up in returning to what they know,” she says. “That’s where they’re comfortable. But there’s no growth in that, is there? I think ninety-eight percent of us get stuck idling there. But it’s that two percent who can rise above it, elevate themselves. That’s where you want to be.”
She has a solid argument, but I really don’t know why she cares so much. “You’ve known me for two weeks. Why are you so invested in what I do with my dick or my time?”
She laughs. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not invested in your relationship drama. I’m invested in this tour being successful for both of us. I can see you struggling. So can your bandmates. And I know you don’t want to let them down. So right now, I think your focus needs to be on the music.”
I grimace, knowing she’s a hundred percent right. But I don’t know if I’m ready to cut the cord on Bianca forever. I don’t know how to function without our dysfunction.
“Don’t worry,” Lilith interrupts my thoughts. “You’ll be balls deep in fangirls soon enough. I have a feeling you’ll be a favorite among the groupies.”
“Yeah, thanks.” I snort. “But I don’t think so. I’m not interested in that insanity.”
When I meet her eyes, she’s staring at me like she wants me, and yet she’s talking about me fucking random groupies. It feels like a test, one I’m not interested in trying to pass.
“Should we get into it, then?” Lilith asks.
“What?”
“The lyrics,” she says. “You want to write, just the two of us? I’ve got shrooms to set the mood.”
“Shrooms?” I arch a brow at her.
“Enlightenment.” She winks and then laughs at my expression. “Just trust me on this. They’ll make you write pure fucking poetry.”
I shrug because, at this point, we still don’t have a song, and we’ve tried everything else.
