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“Madden.” Someone calls out for me, and I squint in her direction, but I can’t see. “Come here.”
I recognize her voice the second time, and a minute later, Lilith’s got her claws wrapped around my bicep, dragging me toward a car. I’m tempted to tell her to fuck off because I don’t want to be anywhere near her, but I know she’ll get me what I need. So I follow her because that’s what my addiction tells me to do. The driver pulls away, and I’m stuck listening as Lilith comes uncorked, blurting out every thought that enters her mind for the next ten minutes.
“Those motherfuckers wouldn’t let me see you,” she rants. “They think they can cut me out now? Fuck all of them. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll sue the whole goddamn label—”
“Lilith,” I snap. “I need it now.”
She stops talking and glances out the window and then at the driver. “Let us out here.”
He pulls over, and we get out. I can barely fucking move at this point, and I’m not sure if it’s the pain or the withdrawal. I manage to make it a block before Lilith parks me in an alley behind an apartment complex.
“Wait here,” she tells me.
She scuttles off, and all I can think about is Bianca and the last words I said to her. The heartbreak on her face haunts me, and even though I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I can’t drag in a full breath since she walked away.
Staring down the wreckage of my life, I just want it to be over. The fucking pain. The guilt. The disappointment. All I ever do is fail. Wyatt. Bianca. Zoe. Adam. The band. When is it going to end? Why can’t I just finish it already?
I crumple into a ball on the asphalt, trying to breathe through the pain, but it’s only getting worse with every passing second. It’s bearing down on me so brutally I’m not sure I’ll even have a choice left to make. Because right now, it feels like I’m about to die.
I see Lilith’s shoes before I hear her, and her voice sounds like it’s far away when she props me up.
“They only had a couple.” She holds up two pills. “But I got something else that will make you feel better fast.”
The kit in her other hand isn’t familiar to me, but it doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure it out. I’m completely numb as she wraps her belt around my arm and removes the needle and a spoon. I can hear the catch of her lighter, and in the back of my mind, I’m wondering if I’m really going to let her do this. Is this the reason I lived, just to throw it all away?
When I look up at her, I feel nothing. I wouldn’t care if I never saw her face again. And she sure as fuck doesn’t care if I live or die. If I stay and let her do this, I might as well pull the trigger myself.
Somewhere in my consciousness, I can hear Wyatt’s voice. He’s telling me it doesn’t matter which direction I move as long as I do.
Drive on, brother. Remember the promise you made.
Lilith glances at me, too out of her mind to read my face. “It’s okay. We’ll get our own fucking deal. A different label. We’ll be more famous than any of those fuckers.”
I push her arm away, knocking the needle from her hands, and she blinks at me as I unwrap her belt.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m done with this shit,” I tell her. “And I’m done with you.”
Chapter 81
Bianca
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Birdie watches as I set out all the ingredients for tonight’s dinner.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I need something to focus on.”
“We can make the guys cook,” she offers. “Or even postpone, really. It’s no big deal—”
“It’s fine.” I shake my head in a daze. “You’ve been talking about this dinner all week. There’s no point canceling it. We all need to eat, right?”
She doesn’t look convinced, and honestly, I’m not sure of myself either. After spending the entire day watching the gory contents of my past unfold on live television, all I want to do is go to bed and hide. But it won’t stop my mind from spinning, and I don’t want to disappoint Birdie. She’s been so kind to me, and I know she’s looking forward to having her sister and brother-in-law over. The last thing I want is to ruin that for her. Cooking seems like a small way to repay her after everything she’s helped me with.
“Well, what can I do?” Birdie asks. “Put me to work.”
“There’s nothing, really.” I shrug. “It should be pretty simple.”
